In So Many Words

Moving On...

2010-04-08T13:08:00.000+02:00

After nine months in Grand Rapids, we're moving on. Nothing against GR, mind you—we enjoyed our time there. God simply called us on to something else.

So, once again all our worldly possessions (save five suitcases) are packed away in a 5 x 10 storage unit. We left our Grand Rapids home behind a week ago today to spend the next three months on the road in our Honda Civic, visiting friends, family, and strangers to raise awareness and funds for The SOLD Project. Our journey will take us from Michigan to Nebraska to California all the way back to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…and then on to Thailand at the beginning of July.

There, we’ll be living and working in a village in Chiang Rai province, home to The SOLD Project's prevention program and the children they work to protect from a life of sexual exploitation. After visiting SOLD’s operations in Thailand this past January, we’re eager to return and commit the next year (or more?) of our lives to serving these kids, learning their language, discovering their culture, and helping give them hope for a better future.

Learn more about our work at drivenbyfreedom.com.

Also, while we're speaking of moving on, I'm moving my blog to Tumblr (click here). I hope to see you all there!

Love Without Constraints

2010-02-13T17:20:00.007+01:00

On the envelope of a note to my wife dated February 13, I wrote "For you on this happy day..."

Today is a happy day, my dearest Heather.

For today--like every other day of our lives together--is the day I love you. Yes, more than yesterday; less than tomorrow.

When I knelt down at your feet between the seats on the New Jersey Transit and asked you to be my wife, and six months later when I took your hand before our great God and a whole host of human witnesses and claimed you as my bride, I was starting something richer and sweeter and far more meaningful than pastel colors and tasteless candy hearts. The commercial sea of gaudy pink and red baubles for sale at the local Walgreens can add nothing to our love.

Ours is not a love to be commemorated once or twice a year by an obligatory box of chocolates or the mushy sentimentality of some uninspired copywriter at Hallmark. (What does he know of our life together? Of the roads we've traveled?)

"Happy Valentine's Day!" people everywhere say out of habit, because culture says to do so. Routine words, signifying nothing. Devoid of imagination and sincerity. That's not the life--not the love--I invited you to share with me, until death do us part. No, our love is better than that.

When I said "Let's Kiss," I meant "let's share everything...just you and me." When I said "Hug Me," I meant "I need you so much closer; I'm at home in your arms." When I said, "Be Mine," I meant forever. Now, tomorrow, and the day after that. On and on and on we'll be together, yeah. And I want to celebrate that every day we live. Not with occasional greeting cards, but, as I vowed, "every day and in all things" by seeking to "meet your needs, know you better, trust you more completely, and love you more perfectly...in complete and humble dependance on the grace and power of our faithful God. Amen."

I'm not saying we can't light candles and pour ourselves a glass of wine now and again; I'm saying that's just a part--a natural part--of something so much bigger, something unconstrained by particular times and dates. Something found in the laughs, the prayers, the fears. The hard conversations and uncertainties. In the warmth and closeness, the knowing glances, the unspoken understanding, the comfortable silence, and everything else that sparks and pulses between us.

Ours is the love of life.

Always yours, on this day and every other,

Michael

Away We Go Again

2009-08-05T17:11:00.003+02:00

After more than a month of vagabonding, Heather and I landed in Grand Rapids, MI. And, for whatever reason, that's where we felt we should stay. For now, at least. So, we signed a 12-month lease on a small apartment in Heritage Hill within walking distance of downtown; we'll move in at the end of August.

Heather left this morning for Philly, so I'm "home" alone. I'll join her in a week once I wrap up some work I've been doing for Dot&Cross. Then, we'll spend time with friends and family we haven't seen since January, sell a bunch of stuff, pack up the rest, and drive out to GR to--finally--unpack our bags. After that...we'll see.

Home is Where We Are

2009-06-30T23:34:00.002+02:00

We're "home," loosely speaking. We've already been back in the States for more than two weeks; still, it's a bit strange to be back on this side of the Atlantic in the land of cars and obesity and giant grocery stores.

Heather and I packed up our lives in Bratislava a few weeks early when we heard about David's brain tumor and caught an earlier flight back. We arrived in Omaha, met Heather's sister Angie and her two beautiful girls at the airport the next day, and road tripped out to Rochester, MN together to spend the week with David and Amy and (most of) the rest of the family. When David and Amy returned to their home to regroup before further treatment, the rest of us parted ways.

So, for the past week, we've been living with our friends Brittany and Andrew up in Chaska, MN. It's been a wonderfully relaxing (and even somewhat productive) time--talking, reading, watching movies, cooking, wrapping up work for TWR, riding bikes for the first time in forever, and learning to play Speed Scrabble.

What's next? We're not sure. And, let me tell you, that's a very unsettling thing to hear yourself say.

There are two questions Heather and I have been getting more than any other: 1) "So, where are you from?" and 2) "What are your plans?" The first question turns out to be much harder to answer than it should be: "Uh, Philadelphia. But we've been living in Slovakia for the last six months. Actually, Heather's from Omaha and I grew up outside Philadelphia. But we met in Ohio and both ended up back in the Philadelphia area which is where we started dating and everything. So we spent the first year of our marriage in West Chester, just outside Philly. But we don't live anywhere now." Concern and surprise usually lead to the second question, to which we respond with a reassuring "We don't know. We don't really have anything lined up." Jobs? Not really. Place to live? No. Are you busy this Thursday? No idea.

So, "home" is where we are. We're vagrants. Nomads. At present, the only place we have to call our own is a Honda Civic and a storage unit on the East Coast. Which pretty much makes us homeless...save for the hospitality of others. As Ingrid Michaelson sings, "we might not have any money, but we've got our love to pay the bills."

Believe it or not, we're fairly content. Don't get me wrong, we hope to find an apartment somewhere and unpack our bags at some point. And we hope to receive some clue or direction about what cause or causes we should dedicate the next phase of our life to. But we're confident that God will provide for us. In the meantime, there's no need to worry. There really isn't.

I have all I need.

Operation 55 Zebra

2009-06-21T08:37:00.001+02:00

Two weeks ago, on June 7, we were shocked to learn that my brother-in-law, David Wenzel, has a brain tumor. Turns out, he's probably had it since childhood. Thanks to a freak collision with a concrete pillar, the resulting seizure, and the subsequent MRI at Stanford Hospital in CA, the 7 cm tumor was detected. Since then...well, it's a long story, and he tells it best. Quick summary: David transfered to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, where a series of tests revealed that the tumor is inoperable; it's nestled in real good with the part of David's brain that allows him to communicate. He went in for a biopsy and will have the full results early next week, but initial meetings with the oncologist and radiologist were encouraging--they believe the tumor will respond to radiation and chemotherapy.

If you want the details, check out David's blog, Jump David Jump, or follow him on Twitter (#55Zebra). His wife, Amy, has been posting updates on her blog as well. There's also a Facebook group.

If you want to help...first, pray. Pray like crazy. We're praying for complete healing, but even beyond that, that God will tell a powerful story through David and Amy's lives in these circumstances. I love and respect the two of them so much; already their faith and their attitude has been truly inspirational. And they'd be the first to tell you their strength and their peace comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. It's already so evident that our great God is at work.

Second, if you'd like to do something a little more tangible, I know they'd probably appreciate a hand with some of the medical expenses they have been and will be accumulating. One really easy, secure way to give is through PayPal's Send Money service--all you need to send money is the recipient's email address. If you don't have either of their addresses just ask.

OK, so what's with the zebra thing? David's case at Stanford was also known as "Fifty-Five Zebra". So, naturally, he adopted it as his call sign.

A TWR Epic Story: Reaching the Roma

2009-06-10T14:56:00.004+02:00

As a PR Strategist for TWR, one of my major responsibilities for the past few months has been overseeing production of new short films for TWR Europe's series of Epic Stories. This particular story, titled Reaching the Roma, highlights TWR's ministry among the Roma people.

When I arrived in Europe six months ago, I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know who the Roma were; today, I would count many of them as friends--as brothers and sisters in Christ. So it is with great pleasure that I present this short film to you. I hope that as you hear their story and see their faces you'll be inspired to help reach them with God's unconditional love.

Photos: Adventures in Europe

2009-05-11T09:31:00.000+02:00

Heather and I love living here in Europe. Bratislava is a great little city that feels like home--we can't wait to show it off to Heather's parents when they visit us at the end of this month. Plus, living here and working with TWR has given us many opportunities to see some of the surrounding countries as well: Austria, Bulgaria, and Germany for starters (click the links to see some of my photos).

In fact, Heather just returned from Romania a few days ago and, today, we're leaving for a short trip to Paris...followed by a weekend visit to Rome! There will be more pictures to come, I'm sure. Until then, au revoir!

Find Your Next Favorite Artist

2009-05-07T13:08:00.000+02:00

I think I have pretty good taste when it comes to music. After all, I've never recommended a band I didn't like.

But like most people, I love to discover new music. I also love new ways to discover music, like the visually compelling, intuitively simple website We Are Hunted. It's an online music chart that scours blogs, social networks, forums, Twitter, and other online sources to map out the top 99 songs online...and stream them on demand. Check it out. Often.

Grad School on the Cheap?

2009-05-04T15:44:00.001+02:00

Over the last few months, Heather's expressed a desire to return to school for her Master's in Social Work. Actually, she even applied. We'll see what happens and where the Lord leads (which, turns out, could be virtually anywhere. See hmcolletto.blogspot.com for any developments in that unfolding saga).

Anyway, all this talk about further education naturally got me thinking about grad school myself. I mean, I've kicked the idea around for years now but, to be honest, nothing specific has ever jumped out at me. Well, except for this program from American University. Totally up my alley. Sadly, the price jumps out a little, too, and not in a good way. Yikes.

So, in lieu of a patron (I'm taking applications if any of you are interested), now I'm looking at cheaper ways to continue lifelong learning. Take, for example, Academic Earth—a website offering free video instruction from top profs at institutes like Berkeley, Stanford, Harvard, MIT, Princeton, and Yale on topics ranging from economics to mathematics. Lectures aren't available for credit, of course, and are of little value to one's resume, but provide an interesting educational exercise nonetheless.

I'd Ride That

2009-05-02T09:26:00.000+02:00

I'm no cyclist. Haven't really ridden a bike since sophomore year of college when someone stole mine, ditched it, and left it for campus security to pick up. Of course, I'd alerted campus security of the theft and gave them a description of the bike, so when it turned up...they, honest, competent people that there were, sold it to the RD of one of the dorms, who, two years later, put it up for sale one day as I was passing by. Yes, I bought it back. Never rode it again, though. Very sad story.

Anyway, I'm not a cyclist. Nor am I an urban commuter. But Gocycle's forthcoming lightweight electric bike sounds sweet enough to convert me to becoming one (an urban-cyclist-commuter-man, that is). Their website's a little spartan right now, consisting only of a logo (seriously), but you can read more about the bike here. I am a little concerned it'll be out of my price range but, meh, who am I kidding about becoming an urban-cyclist-commuter-man anyway?

Don't know why it sounds so appealing. Maybe it's the spring air...

Play It Forward

2009-04-10T11:17:00.000+02:00

I recently learned of Akoha, a "social reality game" inspired by the concept of pay it forward. In essence, it's a hybrid online/offline card game designed to tap into the power of online communities to accomplish real-world good. So you can earn karma points and track the spread of random acts of kindness across the world. It's really quite a neat idea. Not quite as inspiring, perhaps, as IfWeRanTheWorld, but it's still a creative idea with potential positive impact.

Learn more...

If We Ran the World...

2009-04-04T16:18:00.000+02:00

I was super excited when I read a Wired article about plans to launch a website called IfWeRanTheWorld.com. Today, the site is nothing more than a platform to recruit help to make the site happen...a fitting start for the start-up crowdsourcing project.

Its aim, when launched, is to convert intent into action. Conceived by marketing veteran Cindy Gallop and software developer Wendell Davis, IfWeRantheWorld.com is designed to motivate people to make small contributions toward achieving big things. How? By breaking even the most overwhelming initiatives (e.g., "end world hunger") into irreducible, bite-sized and achievable individual tasks, so that when people find themselves wishing they could do something about some injustice or need in the world, they actually can.

Here's how it works. A simple, Google-like search box on the site will greet first-time visitors with the partially-completed sentence, "If I ran the world I would...." Their entries join a database of action platforms, which platform originators and community members break down into discrete tasks -- irreducible atoms of action. Members complete these tasks, assign them to friends, offer kudos for jobs well done and offer advice to various action platforms. Completed tasks and kudos appear on your profile page, which lists everything you've done.

It's a brilliant concept (read the full article here). So, start thinking of what you'd do if you ran the world...and stay posted.

Make a Buck Spring Cleaning

2009-04-01T15:21:00.003+02:00

When Heather and I were packing up our life to move to Slovakia, we made it a priority to downsize, donate, and discard whenever appropriate. I think we made a run to Goodwill every week. We also tried to make a few bucks by selling clothes to Plato's Closet and selling just about anything else of value on craigslist. Just before we left—too late for us—I learned about two websites dedicated to buying used electronics. You're not going to turn a profit, but you'll get a fair price. Besides, it beats the hassle of setting up a yard sale... and the eco-guilt of dumping your gadgets in the garbage.

Gazelle: This slick service lets you pawn your old cell phones, digital cameras, camcorders, MP3 players, PDAs, laptops, game consoles, GPS devices, monitors, movies, external drives, and satellite radios for current market value. If your device turns out to be worthless, they'll still offer to recycle the item for you. Shipping is always free.

Buy My Tronics: These guys don't accept quite as many different items as Gazelle, but they'll accept them in any condition. Plus, their service is worldwide. Free shipping is also available.

And hey, don't forget about RecycleBank. What could possibly beat making money by taking out the trash? It's like getting an allowance for chores again.

Have Guides, Will Travel

2009-03-29T07:40:00.000+02:00

You know you want to come visit Heather and me in Slovakia, so I figured I'd make it easy by putting together a few travel guides for you. OK, that's not completely honest--I just typed "Bratislava, Slovakia" into TripWolf.com and it made one for me. For free. You can check it out here and download the PDF.

Whatever your destination, if you haven't checked out TripWolf and/or Offbeat Guides yet, you're missing out on a lot of awesome. Also visit traveldk--they don't offer guides for the breadth of destinations as the other sites, but offer very solid info nonetheless.

Of course, if you are, in fact, planning a visit to Slovakia, feel free to skip out on the travel guides altogether--Heather and I would be more than thrilled to put you up in our quirky little flat and put together an exhilerating itinerary for you. I'm just saying...

Harry Potter versus Heather

2009-03-23T20:41:00.000+01:00

My dearest Heather, after protesting for years that Harry Potter was beneath her and her English degree, is now officially consumed by the series. She hardly spoke to me yesterday except to say, with fierce intensity, "Go away! Leave me alone!" as she tore through the last couple hundred pages of Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince. When she finished, she immediately curled up in a ball and refused to leave the refuge of her covers. I think someone might be emotionally invested in the story...

fonolo: Saving Your Sanity

2009-03-23T10:26:00.001+01:00

Raise your hand if you love dialing 1-800 numbers and fighting through a maze of pre-recorded touch-tone phone tree menu options before finally being put on hold for half an hour so you can ask a surly customer service representative your simple question.

What? No hands? Didn't think so. Neither did fonolo, the genius company that decided to transcribe the phone menus of large companies so you can navigate them visually and skip the hassle.

'Pick the company you need, scan through their phone menu visually, then just click the spot you need to call. fonolo will automatically dial, navigate their menu and then dial your phone. When you answer, you will be connected to the right spot in the menu. We call that “Deep Dialing”. You’ll call it smart.'

No. I call it brilliant.

You Should Have Seen This

2009-03-20T15:32:00.000+01:00

I recently stumbled upon youshouldhaveseenthis.com. This rather pretentiously named URL hosts a "definitive list of the 99 things you should have already experienced on the internet unless you're a loser or old or something," graciously compiled by someone named Greg Rutter. He's a copywriter, so I respect that, but I'm not sure what gives him the right to suggest I'm an old loser for the simple reason that I hadn't, until I found his stupid list, wasted 4 minutes of my life watching Charlie the badly animated Unicorn getting his kidney stolen. But, hey, if you've got a lot of time on your hands and nothing good to do with it (be warned: in both professional and social circles we call such people "losers")... check it out.

Sorry, that was harsh. And hypocritical. I've laughed at many of these clips myself. As for the clips I haven't seen, I must confess I've bookmarked the site for future time-wasting reference.

A Strong Argument for the Smart Car

2009-02-28T17:15:00.000+01:00

Remember what I mentioned briefly about the chaotic traffic and parking situation in Greece? Let's call that "the problem". Now, let me introduce "the solution":

What I Learned in Greece

2009-02-27T16:20:00.000+01:00

I recently spent five days in Thessaloniki, Greece working on a project for my employer. Yeah, rough job, but hey -- someone had to do it. Anyway, the trip was a success (you can read more about it here and here), and, in the process, I learned a few things about Greek culture:

Everything is philosophical.
Breakfast is a cup of coffee on the way to work, lunch is at 2 p.m., and dinner is no earlier than eight o'clock. One restaurant literally had to unlock the doors for us when we arrived at 8:30 p.m.
Greek food is indescribably good and served in massive quantities. There's a reason they typically pass on breakfast.
All laws are "elastic". This is especially true of their traffic laws. Suffice it to say one of our coworkers was mowed down by a motorcycle while crossing the street (don't worry, she's okay!).

Here are some photos:

For more pictures from the trip, check out my photo album on Picasa.

Global Warming Kills Snowman!

2009-02-22T12:26:00.001+01:00

In the interest of full disclosure, this post has nothing to do with global warming. And it's well below freezing here, for the record. I was just looking for an excuse to share pictures of my little Austrian snowman. He lived a short but happy life.

(WARNING: some of the following images may be disturbing to small children. Parental supervision advised.)

Swap CDs for an iPod Touch

2009-02-20T16:49:00.002+01:00

I just got my first MP3 player two months ago. Yeah, I know, I'm about 10 years behind the times. Still, before you mock me, check this: it's a 16GB 2nd generation iPod Touch...and I got it for free. (Sort of.) How did this come to pass? Glad you asked.

Allow me to introduce you to iPodmeister, a NY company that accepts a certain number of your used CDs in exchange for an iPod of your choice — finally, vindication for keeping my CDs, their original jewel cases, and album artwork in such good condition. Plus, they give you all your music back as iPod-ready MP3 files. Jealous? Dig up your old CDs, my friend, and trade 'em in.

PS — If, unlike me, you've been rocking an iPod for the last 7 years and don't want or need a new one, there's still a special little treat out there for you: the TuneUp Companion for iTunes. Go.

So, Funny Story...

2009-02-18T22:50:00.003+01:00

See the lady being led away by law enforcement officials? The one accused of embezzling nearly half a million dollars? That's our former landlord.

Get Rewarded for Recycling

2009-01-26T18:15:00.000+01:00

I love it when people translate awesome ideas into positive action. Naturally, I was stoked to learn about RecycleBank — a Philadelphia-based company dedicated to creating incentives for recycling. Here's how it works:

Step 1: Recycle. You're probably doing this part already (right...?). The only difference with RecycleBank is that it's easier than ever thanks to their uber-smart single stream recycling process. In plain English: you can dump your paper, plastic, and aluminum recyclables all in the same bin. Brilliant.

Step 2: Record. OK, so this isn't just any ordinary bin. It's a big blue bin with an RFID chip embedded in it that links to your family's (or community's) RecycleBank account. They call them "smart carts". So, every week when your recycling is collected, your cart gets weighed and scanned right at the curb. The system records the weight, converts it to points, and immediately credits your account.

Step 3: Reward. You'll earn 2.5 RecycleBank points for every pound of recyclable materials in your bin, and you can redeem these points at hundreds of local and national retailers, from Target and IKEA to the pottery shop down the street. Plus, you get tons of warm green fuzzies for diverting trash from landfills to save trees and gallons of oil.

Interested in learning more? Click here to watch The Cycle — a animated, interactive look at the process of single stream recycling. Already sold? Just request service. If RecycleBank is already operating in your community, they'll hook you up right away; if not, they'll let you know when the program becomes available in your area. So far, they have no plans to expand to Slovakia, but for all you back in the states, hop to it! Enjoy the rewards.

A Cool New Way to Learn

2009-01-23T16:55:00.000+01:00

Picture this: I'm working in various applications on my computer — writing an email, browsing my iTunes library, reading RSS feeds, stalking people on Facebook — and, every few minutes, a little notification appears to teach me Spanish...or the periodic table of elements. It's learning without studying, and they call it Popling — "a website + desktop app for people who want to learn, but lack motivation." I call it awesome. I'm totally going to learn Japanese. (Slovak isn't available...yet.)

Watch the screencast below to see Popling in action:

The Hamster's New Home

2009-01-22T11:56:00.005+01:00

And so the saga has a happy ending. You may recall from my earlier post back in December that, for awhile, Heather and I didn't know what to do with our dear hamster, Pisco. Not long after I considered the ill-conceived plan of taking him on an international flight and smuggling him through customs, our friend Lauren agreed to adopt him. She sent us a few pictures the other day and the little fellow seems to be doing quite well in his new home. Apparently, he's getting lots of attention from his new family. He's even befriended their dog, Bandit (at least from within the relative safety of his ball).

You Can't Judge a Life by Its Blog

2009-01-20T22:47:00.002+01:00

You'd think, judging by the recent inactivity on my blog, that my life has been extremely dull the past few weeks. Nothing could be further from the truth. Behold:

December 25 – 26: Heather and I spent Christmas morning with my brother and parents, Christmas afternoon/evening with my Granddaddy and my aunt and uncle, and Christmas night with Heather's family (including my new niece, Anabelle!) in Moorestown, NJ. The next morning and early afternoon was spent with Heather's family, and after saying goodbyes, we drove to my Grandmommy's (yes, I still call her that) house for more time with my family. We spent that night packing the car...

December 27 – 30: Early Saturday morning we bid farewell to my family and started our road trip to Omaha via Ohio! We got to spend two days with a handful of our college friends in the Cedarville area: Josh & Abbie Cobb, Daron & Ashley Day, Aimee Auclair, and Robert & Rebecca Reid. Then we spent a night with Ryan & Bethany Dunlap in Cincinnati (and stopped at the vacant house of John & Kim Patton in Iowa) before continuing to Omaha.

December 31 – January 1: Shortly after arriving at Heather's parents' house in Nebraska, we got back in the car for yet another road trip. Heather and I spent New Year's Eve at the Hotel Phillips in Kansas City, MO with Heather's best friend Brittany and her husband, Andrew. We ate at Bristols (best. salmon. ever.) in the new downtown area and dropped in on the local new year's party/club scene before retiring to our rooms to play card games like the unashamed old married couples we are.January 2 – 3: Heather and Brittany were bridesmaids in their childhood friend Morgan's wedding. Good times were had by all.
January 5: January 5 marked our first anniversary! We spent the night in downtown Omaha at the Magnolia hotel (highly recommended, btw) — when we returned to our room after dinner at Vivace's, we found a bottle of sparkling wine and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries! A fabulous end to a fabulous first year of marriage.January 7 – 11: On January 7, Heather and I packed our bags, bid farewell to her parents, and boarded a plane to Vienna, Austria (by way of Chicago and Washington Dulles)...finally arriving 30 hours later at 9 a.m. Central European Time. Our new boss, Barb, and her executive assistant, Anne, met us (and, thankfully, all our bags) at the airport and drove us to our office in Bratislava, Slovakia for a welcome party. Most of the next few days were spent recovering from jet lag, but our new coworkers arranged a few activities for us as well...from a jazz concert at a local pub to a brief tour of the city. The picture below was taken from the top of St. Michael's Tower looking toward Bratislava Castle.
January 12 – present: Heather and I officially began work at Trans World Radio on Monday, January 12! With nearly two weeks down, working for TWR and living in Eastern Europe is already starting to feel...well, surprisingly normal. Granted, we can't speak the local language, our ceiling comes to a point, and quality coffee is nowhere to be found, but life is undeniably good. For more on our adventures in Slovakia, click here. Until next time...

My Last Day at the Q

2008-12-24T21:25:00.000+01:00

And so it's Christmas Eve...and my last day working at QVC. It's been real. I meant to bring a camera and take pictures and all, but I must've packed my camera already. Many thanks to all the incredible people who helped make my time here so enjoyable. I'll miss you guys, so stay in touch. You know where to find me. Until next time...

I Said What They Say -- Raise the Gas Tax

2008-12-24T14:21:00.000+01:00

I like it when respected publications echo what I've been saying for months. Wired just wrote about how it's time to raise the gas tax. No kidding.

Of course, I still think we should take things a step further and tax carbon — otherwise, coal's huge contribution to climate change and air pollution will be left unaddressed. Driving electric cars that plug into a power grid that generates electricity by burning more than 1 trillion tons of coal a year is hardly an impressive step forward. The whole system has to change. Sensible incentives/disincentives (such as a higher gas tax) can help expedite the transition to a more sustainable American lifestyle. I'm all for it.

Stop Junk Mail with GreenDimes

2008-12-24T00:19:00.000+01:00

There's a white, 13 gallon trash can standing opposite the P.O. boxes in my apartment building, and scrawled across the front in black marker are the words "Junk Mail". It's nearly always full.

When I enter the building, my routine goes something like this: (1) Open mailbox; (2) Pull out 10 envelopes & sort briefly; (3) Toss 9 envelopes in the white can. The waste is mindblowing. Nearly every day, people pay to send me dozens of sheets of printed paper in envelopes I never open. Nearly every day, I wish there was an easy way to tell them all to stop.

Well, there is. Enter GreenDimes.

GreenDimes is the leading junk mail reduction service. For $20 a year, they'll take you off unwanted direct marketing and catalog lists — and keep you off. They've been around for a couple years now, so they've got their gig down to a science. In 90 days, they say you'll see a 90% reduction in junk mail. Plus they'll plant five trees on your behalf. It's like an the National Do Not Call Registry for your beleaguered mailbox. Brilliant idea, eh?

In Memory of Our First Apartment

2008-12-23T19:40:00.001+01:00

No, our beloved abode wasn't destroyed in a catastrophe. We're simply moving out, packing up all our stuff, and heading to Slovakia to work with Trans World Radio. And yes, for the record, we're excited. (Heather and I have a blog dedicated to our upcoming time in Slovakia — check out hmcolletto.blogspot.com to follow our adventures overseas.)

We moved all our furniture into storage last Saturday and have been camping on the floor for the last few nights. Finally we're more-or-less done with packing, and the apartment is clean and bare. Fortunately, as our days at Hollow Run drew rapidly to a close, Heather and I had the foresight to document our first married apartment for posterity...and you guys, I guess. Here are some pictures we took on Thanksgiving Day — before we started shoving everything in boxes.

If you're interested, click here for the full tour. Goodbye, Hollow Run! You've been great. Now, on to Slovakia...

Yahoo Answers Says Hamsters Can Fly

2008-12-22T17:30:00.001+01:00

For a minute or two, Heather and I considered taking our hamster with us to Slovakia. We actually typed "can hamsters travel by air" and "hamsters international air travel" into Google. While we were scanning the results of our search I realized again that I'm really going to miss the little guy. Two potential adoptive parents have fallen through, and Pisco (pronounced "peas-co") has yet to find a new home. We leave the state in five days. Even if the little fellow could survive the stress of an international flight, I'd rather not try to smuggle a hamster through customs in Vienna. So, here goes:

WANTED: Loving home for an extraordinarily cute, super-low-maintenance male hamster. Call me.

It's Easy Being Green

2008-12-11T14:00:00.002+01:00

I thought you might be interested to learn that Dr. Matthew Sleeth's daughter, Emma, wrote her own book about caring for planet earth...when she was just 15. A junior in high school, she felt compelled to share her passion for protecting the environment with her peers, so she wrote It's Easy Being Green: One Student's Guide to Serving God and Saving the Planet. I've only had the chance to read the first chapter, but if you're looking for the perspective of a very smart high school girl on the issue of environmentalism, check it out. For more information, visit her website.

Serve God, Save the Planet

2008-12-10T00:45:00.005+01:00

After writing a series of posts on facing the energy crisis late this summer and some other reflections on environmentalism, I decided to pick up and read Serve God, Save the Planet by Matthew Sleeth, M.D.

I'd highly recommend it. Even if you don't care about serving God and think saving the planet is stupid, he makes a pretty convincing case for reconsidering some everyday lifestyle choices...a case made especially powerful in light of our ongoing economic collapse. If current events are any indication, our materialistic American lifestyle is entirely unsustainable.

I found an article in Advertising Age yesterday that touched on the same issue. The author writes:

Above all else, we'd do well to acknowledge that conspicuous consumption — which has fueled economic growth since World War II — is simply not a sustainable answer in a world in which we already have so many possessions...Here's 40-year ecologist and biologist David Suzuki in a recent interview with New Scientist on the subject: "The industrialized world has only 20% of Earth's population but uses more than 80% of the resources and produces more than 80% of the toxic waste. I asked a top ecologist at Harvard University how many humans Earth could sustainably support, and he said 200 million if you want to live like North Americans. When I say this, people get angry. They say the stores are filled with food, we're living longer than ever, we're better off. Well, the reason we have the illusion that everything is OK is because we're using up what our children and grandchildren should expect to inherit."

Even if you are among those who still want to write off experts such as Mr. Suzuki as melodramatic tree-huggers, you must surely look around and wonder whether the profligate ways that we go about clothing, feeding, sheltering and transporting this ever-growing population of ours can truly be sustained for much longer.

We Americans are conspicuous consumers, indeed. One way or another, it's clear something's gotta give. Dr. Sleeth, writing as both a successful medical professional and a concerned Christian citizen, cuts right to the heart of the matter and exposes our materialism for what it is: ugly, selfish, and ultimately harmful (physically and spiritually) to ourselves, our family, and our neighbors all around the world. But rather than leave you there feeling condemned and hopeless, he shows you a way forward — a way he's proven by example. He and his family have cut their monthly electrical bill to just $20.

You have to admit, simplicity has a certain appeal these days — even if only to save a buck. Whatever your motives, pick up a copy and read this book. You just might end up saving the world.

I'm Moving to Slovakia in 33 Days

2008-12-05T17:55:00.001+01:00

Everything is about the change. Heather and I are moving to Bratislava, Slovakia on January 7, 2009 — just two days after we celebrate our 1st Anniversary.

After two great years as a Promotional Copywriter for multichannel retailer QVC, I'm taking a job as PR Strategist for the European branch of Trans World Radio. Heather interned with TWR in 2006, and will return to work for them as an Internal Communications Journalist. I'm excited to navigate new jobs in a new country together. OK, I'll confess: I'm a bit nervous, too. So far I know two words in Slovak: "hi" and "blanket". (Weird, I know.)

As you can imagine, this is shaping up to be quite the unusual holiday season. We're moving out of our beloved little apartment in West Chester the weekend before Christmas, packing most of our belongings in storage, and staying with my parents through Christmas day. Then, road trip! We'll stop in Ohio for a couple days to visit friends, then continue on our way to Omaha, NE. Heather's a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding on January 3, and we'll be staying with Heather's parents until we fly out of Omaha on January 7. Crazy!

In the meantime, our lives are largely consumed with to-do lists, boxes, and generalized frenzy. Still, we've been enjoying our first holidays as a married couple (today's our 11-month anniversary!). We're doing our best to keep our heads on straight and truly savor our last few weeks in PA. The future is loaded with an exciting blend of adventure and freak-out uncertainty, but with God to guide us and each other to lean on, I couldn't be more content. Bring it on.

Warning: Deer Crossing

2008-11-05T21:35:00.009+01:00

It was just another day at the office until around 1:30 p.m. That's when I emerged from the cafeteria, sandwich in hand, and walked past a giant trail of fresh blood on my way back to my desk. I didn't even notice. As I approached my desk one of my coworkers stopped me: "Were you just down there?" she asked, sounding both concerned and surprised.

"Yeah." I was suddenly aware that everyone had gathered by the window and was peering down into the atrium below. "What's going on?"

Apparently, a large male deer, antlers and all, crashed through a window in Merchandising and ran through the atrium gushing blood, slamming into the wall and the library window on its crazed charge toward the studio. All while I was buying a sandwich. Somehow, security managed to shut it in a room while they waited for Animal Control to arrive. Sadly, that room happened to be a computer lounge complete with a large HD television. Ouch.

We just got a notice from HR assuring us that "no one was injured and no one is presently in any danger. The deer has been contained and authorities are on site to remove the deer. All precautions are being taken so no further harm is caused to the deer." The Housekeeping and Security teams are currently purging the premises with hospital-grade disinfectant and an insect control agent.

Anyway, big day. America elects its first African-American president and a deer bleeds all over my workplace. One for the books.

ThanksChristWeen Day Weekend

2008-11-02T04:47:00.001+01:00

I married into a family that, although it gets together during the holidays for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, still insists on celebrating both -- at the same time. And so I was introduced to ThanksChristmas. This year, they took things a step further. On Columbus Day weekend, Heather's family converged on Grand Rapids, MI to celebrate the first -- perhaps the only -- ThanksChristWeen Day in the history of the world. David and Amy, who hosted the event at their beautiful home, had decorated for the occasion, and a Christmas tree adorned with orange lights, cobwebs, and fall-colored leaves with a bat perched on top took center stage in their living room. Naturally, the weekend's activities included a traditional Wenzel family Christmas breakfast (monkey bread and egg casserole), opening presents, a hayride, and carving pumpkins. Good times, indeed. Check out the slideshow on Picasa:

Greed & Corruption...on Main Street

2008-10-03T17:41:00.007+02:00

It seems our country has a really hard time taking responsibility for its actions. While I'm hardly happy about the current economic situation, I'm not sure this proposed $700,000,000,000 "bailout/rescue" plan is such a good idea. Has anyone considered that this "crisis" isn't so much a problem to be avoided as a logical consequence to be endured?

Yes, banks are failing and consumer confidence is down. That's to be expected — banks made stupid choices that effectively and appropriately destroyed their trustworthiness. Yes, investment values are plummeting. They call that "market volatility" — every investor is told up front that there's just as much potential for loss as there is for gain. Yes, oppressive mortgages are forcing foreclosures. That's what happens when people attempt to live beyond their means. Why is anyone surprised by this turn of events?

No doubt we need to rescue the economy from total collapse. More importantly, something should be done to prevent dishonest scoundrels and greedy people from destabilizing the global economy again. We should prevent banks and investment firms from overextending credit and recklessly gambling the public's money. We should ensure that investors are properly educated about the risks inherent to the stock market. We should eliminate predatory lending. But we shouldn't slap the most expensive band-aid in history on the consequences of a broken system and expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows again.

Rather than (rather stupidly) spending money we don't have to fix a problem we created by spending money we didn't have, let's take the opportunity to think long and hard about how we got here. This is no time for scapegoats. I know it's never popular to blame "the people", but we're foolish to point fingers at "greed and corruption on Wall Street" without considering our own contribution to the crisis as well. I suspect there are very few innocent. Regardless, we're all in this together now. And there's no easy way out, bailout or no bailout.

I, for one, hope this crisis hurts everyone a little. In fact, I hope it hurts some people a lot — I hope our government makes it a priority to trim its own fat, I hope mismanaged banks and businesses are forced to restructure and reevaluate, I hope the CEOs and managers at fault lose their positions and the respect of their peers, and I hope overextended middle class people realize the need to downsize and cut back.

I hope that doesn't sound harsh. My point is, I think we all stand to benefit from having our world shaken up a bit. We've grown accustomed to having whatever we want, whenever we want it, whether or not we can afford it — and still grasping for more. Until now, we've been cushioned from consequences...and now they've caught up. If we face them, we just might learn from our mistakes. A gigantic Federal bailout, on the other hand, only reinforces bad behavior...and delays the inevitable reckoning.

Christians in America

2008-10-01T16:00:00.001+02:00

I recently stumbled upon a fascinating article from Harper's Magazine called The Christian paradox: How a faithful nation gets Jesus wrong. It's not a quick read, but it's well worth your time. Although published back in 2005, it's still extremely relevant and ties in nicely with what I wrote earlier. I'd be interested in your thoughts.

Painting the World Red & Blue

2008-09-29T14:30:00.004+02:00

What if the world could vote in America's 2008 presidential election? Thanks to The Economist, now they can ... sort of. The magazine has created a Global Electoral College, modeled after America's own quirky Electoral College system (click here to learn how it works). It doesn't really count for anything, but it's an interesting exercise nonetheless.

So, if you're curious about who Brazil, China, Russia, or India want as the next president of the United States, now's your chance to find out straight from them (also check out the results table). Right now, there's a shocking amount of blue on the map. Voting closes at Midnight London time on November 1, so get out the (world) vote!

Farewell to Summer

2008-09-27T17:17:00.002+02:00

Last Saturday, Heather and I took a day trip to Inner Harbor in Baltimore, MD. It'd probably been close to ten years since I'd been there and she'd never been at all, so we had fun exploring (once again, we confirmed that I'm directionally challenged, so I've officially ceded navigational privileges to Heather). We beat the crowds to the National Aquarium, walked up to Lexington Market for crab cakes at Faidley's, nearly interrupted an ongoing wedding ceremony (c'mon, people, ever heard of ushers?!) at the Baltimore Basilica, and poked around the shops surrounding the harbor. But mostly we just hung out — talking, people-watching, and enjoying the beautiful weather. It really was beautiful — warm and sunny with a light, cool breeze. It was the kind of day that gives me intense cravings for ice cream, apparently — I couldn't stop thinking about it all day ... but we never got any. Oh well. We did stop at Rita's and Starbucks, so I can't complain. All in all, it was the perfect end to a great summer.

Really Simple Syndication

2008-09-27T01:55:00.007+02:00

It's come to my attention that some people — *cough* my wife *cough* — remain unfamiliar with the glory that is RSS. RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication, and it's as easy as its name makes it sound. You know that little orange icon that shows up all over the internet? That's the RSS icon, hanging out to let you know you have the option of subscribing to a "feed". Feeds are an easy way to get updates from sources you care about, like news sites or your friends' blogs.

RSS readers take the feeds you're interested in and put them all in one place, saving you the time and hassle of remembering to check each site individually. Think of it like creating your own online newspaper or magazine — you pick the articles, so it only displays the information you want to read (like my blog posts, for example). Personally, I use Google Reader (also check out their gadget for your iGoogle page).

Once you've signed up for Google Reader, just add the feeds that interest you by clicking on the RSS icon and selecting "Add to Google".

To subscribe to this blog, it's actually even easier — I recently added Blogger's "Followers" widget to the sidebar on the right. If you enjoy reading my posts, I'd encourage you to become a follower. Thanks! Enjoy the world of RSS.

And God's Vote Goes To...

2008-09-25T14:00:00.000+02:00

God isn't Democrat, Republican, or even Independent. He doesn't support McCain, Obama, or any one politician's agenda. He's isn't swayed by Biden's Catholic background or excited about Palin's conservative credentials. God simply hasn't blessed any political party or agenda with His stamp of approval.

Despite that fact, many Christians seem to have sworn allegiance to one political party or another and, sadly, often turn on fellow believers who sympathize with or (God forbid) support the opposing party. I'm not sure how or when these battle lines were drawn. Perhaps it's rooted in the "culture wars" between "conservatives" and "liberals". Perhaps it's fueled by differing personal convictions or political priorities. Frankly, I don't care much what your reason is — there simply isn't a valid excuse to cannibalize the body of Christ. Christians are to be known by their love for one another, are they not? Surely a civil dialogue is possible. And surely Christ's followers possess the wisdom and humility to participate in politics that transcends partisanship. No one is perfect, yet grace is sufficient for all. Amen? By all means, please participate in politics. But your Savior is not a Republican or a Democrat, and He will not rise from, or descend on, Capitol Hill.

That said, God isn't necessarily neutral on the issues. But His priorities are clear. Jesus never singled out abortion or gay marriage as "fundamental issues". Is God pro-life? Absolutely — in a far broader sense than the best of us. Does God call homosexuality a sin? Yes, He does — but it's just one sin among many. In fact, as far as we know, Jesus never mentioned abortion or homosexuality during his ministry on earth. But he did make it a point to rip the self-righteous hypocrites a new one and come down hard on consumerism (also, Mark 10) and self-interest. When directly asked to name the fundamental issues he replied: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind...[and] Love your neighbor as yourself." Then he showed the world how it's done by dedicating his time on earth to caring for the sick, the poor, the outcasts, and sinners. Stop right now and read Matthew 25:31-46. That's how Jesus says individuals will be judged — not by whether they voted Republican or Democrat, but by whether they cared enough to act on behalf of the least of these. James 1:27 explains that religion God accepts as pure and faultless is "to look after orphans and widows in their distress". Are these the issues and causes that get us fired up? Are we humble? Selfless? Loving? Giving? I'm not saying abortion and gay marriage don't matter; I'm just pointing out that, even from a purely Biblical viewpoint, they aren't the only issues to consider when casting your vote — nor are they even the most important.

Blind loyalty to a political party isn't an option for Christians. Nor is one- or two-issue voting. As election day approaches, do your research with open eyes and a critical mind.

Faithful citizenship doesn't hinge on allegiance to a political party. God's not impressed by "American values" or "conservative" political views — He's righteous, not right-wing. So let not the American citizen boast in his citizenship, or the Christian voter boast in his vote, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows the God who isn't partisan, who judges all men, and rules every nation, tribe, and tongue. Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with Him.

God Isn't Even American

2008-09-23T17:45:00.003+02:00

God doesn't support America's national interests. He doesn't fight on America's side, and America has no special claim to God's blessing or protection. Americans are not God's chosen people, and American patriotism isn't a Biblical value. It's time to set the record straight.

America isn't a Christian nation. America was founded during a time when nearly everyone in the Western world believed in the God of the Bible, at least His existence, and early America was settled and shaped by religious, God-fearing people, many of them Christians. Therefore, God, the Bible, and religion featured prominently in the personal language of our Founding Fathers and influenced the laws set forth in the documents that govern our nation. There is no question that the basic principles of this country are strongly informed by Judeo-Christian ethics and the gospel of Jesus Christ. America wouldn't be the nation we know today were it not for its Christian heritage. That said, the Founders intentionally crafted the documents that govern our nation to prevent government from establishing a national religion or exercising any form of religious intolerance. In this representative democracy, everyone's voice must be respected; the majority may rule, but they never have the right to tyrannize the minority. Even this openly tolerant Constitutional principle is informed by Scripture: it acknowledges the truth that all people have equal value and promotes Christ's command to love your neighbor (even your political or religious enemies) — despite individual differences.

So, while you may (rightly) argue that America has a Christian heritage, or (accurately) suggest that America used to be a "nation of Christians" in the sense that, at one time in history, nearly every American citizen professed some form of Christian faith, the fact remains that this country has never been officially Christian in policy, practice, fact, or intent. There's certainly nothing inherently Christian about a democratic government or capitalist economy. America has only ever been as Christian as its people. If America has become "less Christian" over the decades, you'll find it's because a smaller percentage of its citizens call themselves Christian, and even fewer of those practice what they profess. This isn't a trend you can (or should) reverse with legislation.

From another angle, Christians should bear in mind that America came to exist through rebellion and selfish defiance (however heroic and eloquently justified) and, since then, many of our dealings have fallen far short of anything remotely Christ-like. Examine our history (our treatment of Native Americans, our oppression of women, our support of slavery, our racism against Japanese citizens during WWII and against African Americans and Hispanics even still) or our current affairs (our deplorable stewardship, our neglect of the poor, our national arrogance — to say nothing of the greed and self-interest that fuel the political and economic engines that drive the country). Do followers of Jesus really want this country representing Christianity to the world? Make no mistake, this is a great nation and I'm thankful for it. But God's not an American. Personally, I'd prefer it if the name of Christ and the reputation of His followers wasn't automatically on the line for every action of these United States.

A Few Steps Closer to Minority Report

2008-09-15T21:40:00.000+02:00

Remember all the crazy-awesome sci-fi gadgetry in 2002's Minority Report? Stuff like electronic ink and paper, multi-touch computers, advertisements that read your eyes, and cars that pilot themselves? All increasingly real. I'm not sure if my geeky self is excited or horrified. Probably both.

Obama vs. McCain

2008-09-12T20:31:00.004+02:00

I don't really care who you're voting for in November. What I want to know is why. Have you weighed the issues? Really? Or has your ability to make an informed decision been hijacked by partisan bias and seductive soundbites?

You see, there's a problem with today's American political system — there are only two viable political parties (despite the drop-in-the-bucket efforts of independents). This effectively frees the two opposing candidates from any real obligation to win over the American people. Instead, all a presidential candidate needs to do to succeed is turn the American people against his opponent. It's either/or, so the seemingly less evil candidate triumphs by default.

Since the candidates don't have to clearly outline their strengths, weaknesses, positions, or plans in an effort to win your vote (instead they'll use illogical promises and inspirational rhetoric to blow smoke up your backside), we're left to educate ourselves as best we can. Here, your sources matter. If you get your information exclusively from Rush Limbaugh and Fox News you're probably convinced that McCain can do no wrong and Barack Obama is a secret Muslim in league with terrorists. If you only watch John Stewart and MSNBC, you probably drank Obama's kool-aid months ago and think McCain is Bush the Third. A balanced diet is essential. If you don't listen to both sides you'll never see the bigger picture, never understand the nuances, and ultimately make an ill-informed, emotionally-charged decision that, post-election, will leave you with a smug grin and unrealistic, overoptimistic expectations (should your candidate win) or a bitter attitude and unfounded, apocalyptic thoughts (should he lose). The truth is, neither candidate is that bad ... and neither is that great. Don't take my word for it, though. Do your own research.

One great resource is The Undecided Voter's Guide to the Next President from HarperCollins. Browse the complete text or use the search tool to find a comprehensive rundown on McCain (pgs. 48 – 92), Obama (pgs. 281 – 326), and even Biden (pgs. 329 – 336). Palin, never a candidate for president, is mentioned just once in the section on Hillary (p. 227). Other great nonpartisan resources are USAVoter and the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life. Bookmark them and return often. Then, check out these other sites for more information:

Learn about the Democrats

Learn about the Republicans

Learn about Obama

Learn about McCain

Learn about Biden

Learn about Palin

Overwhelmed? To help clarify things a little, often it's best to hear the candidates speak for themselves. If you haven't already, watch the videos from the civil forum on faith hosted by Rick Warren of Saddleback Church (or read the transcripts — you can find a decent side-by-side comparison of the candidates answers here). Whatever you do, don't miss the presidential and vice-presidential debates (tip: keep an open mind as you listen, and don't listen to any pre- or post-debate commentary). Personally, I'm withholding a final voting decision until after I've heard McCain and Obama discuss the issues on live TV (here's the debate schedule; if you miss the live broadcasts, you should be able to find on-demand playback at the new website MyDebates). Finally, your most important resources are probably truth-sniffing sites like Snopes, FactCheck, and Regret the Error.

In the end, careful investigation (or a night spent watching Comedy Central shows on Hulu) will reveal that both McCain and Obama are flawed individuals with some flawed ideas. If you find yourself automatically rushing to "your candidate's" defense, fess up — you're biased. And before you become too critical of "the other candidate", please note that a careful look in the mirror (or a short conversation with an honest friend) will reveal that you're also imperfect. Surprise! We're all human. My point is, whatever your ideals, you'll need to compromise on some issues to endorse either candidate. And compromise in our democratic political system is okay; indeed, it's essential. There will never be a perfect candidate. It's up to us, to the best of our meager abilities, to determine who is best suited for the job. As you weigh the issues and sift through the propaganda, please exercise wisdom, discernment, and humility. And, always — always — consider the possibility that you're mistaken.

Environmentalist Role Reversal

2008-09-10T22:02:00.001+02:00

Riddle me this:

Concern for the environment — indeed, the entire environmentalist movement — is traditionally associated with "left-wing" "liberals" and naturalists, who often come under attack from "right-wing" "conservatives" and creationists as "treehuggers" with mixed-up priorities. This strikes me as a profound mystery.

Remember the part in Darwin's Theory of Evolution about Natural Selection (sometimes referred to as Survival of the Fittest)? Let's take a second and reconcile a belief in that process with, say, the Endangered Species Act. If you believe that life sprung from nothing and has progressed from nonliving matter to isolated cells and all the way to human civilization through the forces of random chance (beneficial, heritable mutations) and natural selection (better-equipped, increasingly dominant species directly or indirectly pushing less fit species toward extinction), why would you argue for human intervention when increasing human dominance threatens other species? Why should you care if the polar bear or spotted owl lives or dies? Isn't that just part of the process? Surely, if we're part of this whole natural system, then all our actions — including pollution, waste, ecological destruction, etc. — must be considered just as natural as the actions of an ape, squirrel, or flea. By what standard can they be condemned? (Before you're tempted to argue for humanity's unique power or responsibility, please consider that suggesting such things comes dangerously close to skewering the naturalist premise of your beliefs. To be consistent, man cannot be set apart or held to a higher standard.) But, if our natural actions, contrary to the natural actions of every other creature on earth, lead inexorably to the complete destruction of the planet, I must ask, how did we get to be so different?

On the flip side, if you believe God created every living thing after its own kind to work in harmony as parts of complete, complex ecosystems that by their very existence glorify God ... where do you get off not caring about the planet? Especially when your Bible says that God specifically put man on earth to take care of it. Don't give me any weak rationalizations about "having dominion" or "subduing the earth" — those verses are clearly about stewardship (everything is created "by him and for him", right?). And while you may be Biblically correct in asserting that caring for people is a higher priority than caring for animals or trees, your God asks you to do both. Whatever you do, don't shrug the whole thing off with "the whole world's going to be destroyed anyway" as if the approaching Apocalypse somehow nullifies the commands of your God (see 2 Peter 3:11). Note that He never condones selfishness or wastefulness. If you truly believe you'll one day give an account to Him, you'd better start caring about His creation — all of it.

Just some things for us to think about.

Twisting Our Native Tongue

2008-09-05T16:20:00.001+02:00

As I've mentioned before, I'm amused by Engrish, Chinglish, and all their variants. Hearing a Japanese man go on about "a big erection" when he's trying to say "election" is pretty hysterical. But as a writer, editor, and communications professional who's married to an English major, I'm troubled by the rather bleak future Wired Magazine predicts for my dear native language. To me, Engrish is funny because it's wrong; it's misused. But in the future, what happens if phrases like "Our goalie not here yet, so give chance, can or not?" stop being wrong? Will my proficiency in the English language matter anymore? Will American schools start teaching Panglish? Is English destined to be the next Latin? Either way, as a vocab and grammar geek, the thought of butchered phrases, mispronunciations, and non-words going mainstream kind of breaks my heart.

(For the record, I just had a vision of myself 60 years from now as a persnickety old guy who amuses himself by laughing derisively at all the "ignorant kids" and their "nonsensical babble". Meh. Could be fun. Perhaps the future's not so bad...)

Chrome: The Shiny New Browser from Google

2008-09-02T18:52:00.004+02:00

Google accidentally let the cat out of the bag a day early, unveiling a comic strip about their new web browser project, Chrome, to be released later today. (When it's released, you should be able to download it here).

TechCrunch has already suggested the open-source browser will kick-start the rapid decline of Microsoft and herald a future of OS-free computing. We'll see. Google Chrome definitely steals Microsoft's thunder over the beta 2 version of it's new IE8.

My only fear is that Chrome will inadvertently steal the market from Google's longtime ally, Mozilla's Firefox. That would be unfortunate. I love and highly recommend the Firefox browser. That said, I'm eager to test this new contender.

UPDATE: Friday, September 19, 2008
Sticking with Firefox
Honestly, Google's Chrome browser hasn't wowed me. There's no contesting that what they've put under the hood represents a few game-changing innovations, but since I'm not a developer, many of the coolest bells and whistles are largely lost on me. Sure, the simplicity of the interface has a certain appeal, and I enjoy smart features like the new tab window. But as a user, I miss certain basic features like...oh, a print button. I also miss the familiarity — and custom add-ons — that make Mozilla's Firefox 3 such a user-friendly treat. Now, I don't want to argue about which browser is better — there are plenty of worthy choices (although, if you use Internet Explorer, do yourself a favor and ditch it). Ultimately, you like what you like. I happen to like Firefox...used in conjunction, of course, with a whole slew of Google Apps — from iGoogle and Gmail to Google Reader, Google Docs, Picasa, and beyond. Maybe one day some future version of Google's browser will win me over as well. Until that time...

Creating a Sustainable Future (Facing the Energy Crisis: Part 3)

2008-09-01T22:00:00.004+02:00

Fossil fuels are on their way out whether we like it or not. Which, in the end, is fine — over time, the human race can adapt to survive without oil and coal, especially if we begin changing our lifestyles and developing solutions today.

But not just any solutions will do. If the energy crisis teaches us anything, and I hope it teaches us much, it must teach us the importance of sustainability. As we wean ourselves from dirty, dead-end fossil fuels, we must be careful not to develop new dependencies that could lead to other crises further down the road. Our efforts at sustainability must extend far beyond energy to include the atmosphere, oceans, freshwater (Wired had a great article a while back about the threat of freshwater shortages), architecture, materials, waste, food, and, indeed, all natural resources and processes. Bottom line: it's time for a little creative problem solving.

Recently, both presidential candidates have taken this task a little more seriously, although their lofty campaign rhetoric still contains significant traces of fantasy and foolishness. Private investors (doubtless you've heard of the Pickens Plan), auto manufacturers, and even Big Oil companies all have their ideas about what to do. Although I don't consider Al Gore to be entirely credible (was that a Nobel prize for hypocrisy...?), his We Can Solve It campaign is very well intentioned, and his "plan" to convert 100% of America's energy into clean energy in 10 years (although probably unrealistic and prohibitively expensive) is just the kind of go-for-broke effort this country needs.

Here's where we should start:

Encourage U.S. Innovation. In Part 2, I suggested a carbon tax as a way to make fossil fuel use unattractive. But there's another side to that coin: the more undesirable gas-powered transportation and coal-fired electricity (i.e., the status quo) become, the more desirable the alternatives seem. This throws the doors wide open for innovation. With the appropriate disincentives, it shouldn't be long before Americans scramble to change their personal habits and fight to adopt emerging carbon-neutral innovations. New business innovations will blossom as manufacturers begin competing for customers looking for the most efficient, carbon-neutral products available. Almost immediately, the competition inherent within our capitalist system starts working to propel desirable change. A revenue-neutral carbon tax must be the foundation of any serious energy plan.

Additional incentives may play a role from time to time. For example, it could be helpful to offer government "prize money" for demonstrating certain cost-effective breakthrough innovations in energy and efficiency, similar to McCain's (unbelievably extravagant) $300 million incentive for an exponentially better electric car battery.

Stop Using Corn-based Ethanol as Auto Fuel. Immediately. There's probably a future in biofuels of other sorts (e.g., biodiesel), so encourage research in this field. But corn-based ethanol is a government-funded failure. It might burn somewhat cleaner (even that is questionable), but it's not cost-effective, or remotely sensible. Food prices are escalating and half the world is starving, so let's maybe boost our exports and feed people instead of liquidating food supplies by turning them into inefficient oil alternatives.

Invest in Wind & Solar. (Same goes for hydrogen fuel and other, more experimental energy sources.) Remove all current fossil fuel subsidies and use the money to subsidize sustainable energy development and production instead. Encourage private investment, research, and development, but as a rule, don't dump government money into any unproven or underdeveloped technologies. Wind and solar offer fantastic potential as renewable fuel sources, but they're still not efficient or cost-effective enough to provide broad-scale alternative energy. Besides, weather-dependent energy production brings it's own set of challenges (some companies are already rising to meet those). That said, we can't be afraid to adopt new technologies as they emerge (and private investors like Pickens should be encouraged and supported in their efforts). Expect innovations in these fields, and work to integrate them quickly.

Take Full Advantage of Geothermal & Hydropower. These are great natural, sustainable energy sources. Whenever available and wherever possible, we should tap into them. We already know how. Also, the huge potential of tidal power remains largely unexplored.

Start Relying More on Nuclear Energy. New nuclear plants have to be a huge part of any serious clean energy plan. Nuclear plants currently supply only about 20% of U.S. electricity, yet nuclear energy is arguably the safest, most reliable, sustainable, cost-effective method of energy production in the world ... with a tiny carbon footprint. This is proven technology. It's time we stopped being afraid of it. Especially since nuclear "waste" is close to 100% recyclable (see France and the U.K.). Future innovations in this field (e.g., fusion research) are bound to bring even greater efficiency. Still not convinced? Talk to former Greenpeace pioneer-turned-nuclear energy advocate Patrick Moore.

Decrease Wastefulness & Inefficiency. Finally, one of the most obvious (and increasingly necessary) ways to relieve the U.S. energy crisis (and save ourselves a load of money) is to use less energy. As they say, waste not, want not. Consider this: Americans use five times more than the average world citizen. That's right — although we represent just 5% of the world's population, we use nearly a quarter of the world's energy. Even the average homeless American has a carbon footprint twice the size of the world average. Researchers from MIT suggest we can cut fuel consumption 50 percent in 25 years. That seems reasonable — in theory, it shouldn't be hard for us to scale back even more than that. In practice, however, the greedy, selfish, lazy part of our human natures often needs a bit of a nudge to stir us from complacency.

Here, a carbon tax will certainly help. But in some cases, more new taxes and restrictions may also serve to influence citizens' and corporations behavior for the better.

One place to start would be taxing the manufacturing and sale of new vehicles and appliances that do not conform to strict efficiency and emissions standards (used vehicles/appliances would be exempt). This would discourage people from buying (and manufacturers from making) certain models. Odds are, every new car will be a hybrid in 12 years anyway. Another idea, provided that there's sufficient public transportation available, is banning cars that don't have special permits (e.g. fuel-efficient taxis, emergency vehicles, etc.) from within city limits — encouraging walking, cycling, subway trains, etc. as energy-saving alternatives. We could even go so far as to outlaw certain vehicles for private or recreational use (always providing exceptions for demonstrated business needs). Some of these measures sound extreme, but they're all worth looking into.

On a more simple, personal level, it's time to evaluate our lifestyles. Simplify. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. We have to be part of the change we're hoping for. It won't be easy. It won't be without cost. But it's within our reach.

Additional Reading:
Part 1 — Making Sense
Part 2 — Treating Fossil Fuels with Foresight

Better than Chocolate

2008-08-27T20:24:00.005+02:00

When I was little, I had the habit of hoarding candy. Whenever my brother and I got candy on Halloween, Easter, or Christmas, Phil would tear into his immediately, eating nonstop until it was gone and he was ill. I, on the other hand, would just add my candy to what was left of my stash from the year before. Clearly, both of us had problems.

Well, to my embarrassment, it appears I haven't quite kicked the hoarding habit. I recently discovered a candy bar I'd been given about nine months ago, languishing in one of my cabinets at work. I was sad at first because I figured it wouldn't be good anymore. I ate it anyway (of course) ... and, to my wonder and amazement, heaven opened and pure bliss descended on my tongue.

Caffe Acapella's silky smooth and utterly delectable gourmet coffee bars are awesome. Transcendent. Sublime. Order them online or find a store near you, but if you haven't given the world's first and only coffee bars a try, you must. I'm totally hooked. When it comes to these bars, my candy-hoarding days are definitely over.

Attention Gmail Users

2008-08-20T18:13:00.006+02:00

Heads up! Stop what you're doing, log in to Gmai l, click on "Settings", then scroll down (under the General settings tab) until you see "Browser connection". Select "Always use https". Breathe a sigh of relief. Why?

Webmonkey explains it best: "Because without it, anyone can easily hack someone’s account and in two weeks it is going to get even easier. Mike Perry, a reverse engineer from San Francisco, announced his intention to release his Gmail Account Hacking Tool to the public."

Nice. Thanks, Mr. Perry.

To be fair, Mr. Perry claims he's releasing the tool to attack Google for failing to emphasize the importance of SSL encryption. Kind of mean-spirited, but point taken. So, an even bigger sarcastic thank you to Google for making internet security optional. My unequivocal recommendation is to opt in.

Laughing at the Engrish Language

2008-08-18T17:10:00.000+02:00

During the summer of 2004, I spent a month in Okinawa, Japan helping to teach English in local schools and communities. While there, I fell in love with sushi, fresh mango, dragon fruit, Aquarius, snorkeling ... and Engrish.

Engrish is misused English. It usually happens when Japanese designers and advertisers try to use English on their products to "look cool" and end up writing really funny (and often shockingly inappropriate) things on T-shirts, store fronts, and packaging. The best part is that Japanese consumers often buy and use such products without ever realizing that anything's amiss. For example, the pastor of a small church on Ie Jima often wore a T-shirt covered in nonsensical English phrases laced with profanity. (No one had the heart to tell him what it said — he'd received the shirt as a Father's Day present and it was one of his favorites.) I bought a couple shirts myself. One had the words "Dearest Monkey" and a picture of a smiling monkey with a speech bubble that said "A banana isn't given to it!" Too awesome not to have.

Here in the U.S., Engrish.com has been my go-to spot for butchered English hilarity. Just to give you a taste...

Classic. To see more and laugh harder, click here. Enjoy! Happy Monday.

Treating Fossil Fuels with Foresight (Facing the Energy Crisis: Part 2)

2008-08-14T14:00:00.005+02:00

In the spirit of making sense, it's time we started thinking long-term about energy and the environment. Even if you discount the arguments of various global warming/climate change doomsday prophets, you're going to have a hard time sounding intelligent arguing that wastefulness and air pollution are good things.

But even if the environment were in pristine condition (it's not), we'd still be headed for trouble. Why? Because nearly 80% of U.S. electricity comes from non-renewable resources and nearly 100% of U.S. transportation systems are dependent on non-renewable resources. "Non-renewable" means "incapable of being replaced by natural ecological cycles or sound management practices." Let me break it down: sooner or later these resources will run out completely. Thanks to population growth and the rise of the developing world, that'll probably happen sooner rather than later. So, to prepare for the future, we need to start doing things differently today.

Here's what we do:

Force Big Oil to Develop Its Land. The fact is, it'll be quite a long time (if ever) before we can completely eradicate oil use in the U.S., so if we're truly going to be energy independent, we'll eventually need to drill for more oil on our own turf. Here's where we start drilling: on the land Big Oil companies already lease from the federal government. Right now they have about 68 million acres of oil-rich land stockpiled, and they've left it unexplored and undeveloped. So ... what were you saying about supply and demand? C'mon, Big Oil, you're not fooling anybody. Be honest, remember?

Permit Offshore Drilling. But do so only after Big Oil starts producing on the land it already leases. If executed responsibly, it's not the worst idea ever. And if we absolutely need more oil, drilling for it off our own coasts is better than importing it from foreign war zones and hostile nations. Even then, I have a few caveats: even as a short-term solution, offshore drilling is far from ideal. Yes, it helps move us (just a tiny, tiny step) toward energy independence, but it does nothing to address environmental concerns and long-term sustainability. Even worse, it only serves to perpetuate our dependence on oil. It also runs the unnecessary risk of damaging the tourism industry and local economies for some of our shoreline destinations. That said, if local and state governments support drilling in certain regions, the Federal government should let them — and charge Big Oil big money for the lease.

Save the ANWR Coastal Plain ... For Now. Despite what you hear, there aren't any good environmental reasons not to drill in ANWR. This oil-rich region is little more than a barren wasteland and developing 2000 acres out of over 500,000 square miles wouldn't come close to disrupting the ecosystem or damaging its natural beauty. The piping infrastructure is already in place from the nearby Prudhoe Bay oil field, so development in this area would be (relatively) inexpensive. However, as I mentioned above, drilling in ANWR now will only serve to perpetuate our dependence on oil. Catering to our dependence on oil today, while it might bring a temporary spike in supply and short-term relief from skyrocketing prices, could fatally delay overdue innovation and speed the inevitable day when the earth runs dry ... leaving us with a nonfunctioning transit system and the surface temperature of Venus. As bad as price increases hurt now, it's better to use the cost of oil as a disincentive for overuse and a catalyst for innovative and radical change. Now is the time to transition to renewable energy and, perhaps more importantly, a sustainable American lifestyle. If innovations come slowly or the transition to renewable energy doesn't go as smoothly as we hope, it'll be better in the long run if we've saved our precious ANWR oil reserve for when we truly need it. Bonus: if it turns out we don't need it, we can export it at a premium to the other oil-starved countries.

Preserve the National Oil Reserve. Our reserve is for emergency use only. Needless to say, it astonished me when Barack Obama suggested handling the energy crisis by tapping into our national reserve. Dear fellow Americans (and Senator Obama), this is reality talking: $4 for a gallon of gas isn't the end of the world (to put things in perspective, gas costs about double that in Germany). Certainly, rising gas costs are putting a squeeze on some people. But high oil use is putting a squeeze on the entire country, the environment, and the world's resources. There are other, better, but sure-to-be-politically-unpopular solutions to high prices at the pump (keep reading). Catering to our dependence on oil and artificially lowering prices by depleting our national reserve is short-sighted and foolish. See above.

Phase Out Fossil Fuel Power Plants. Do away with fossil fuel subsidies and use the money to subsidize sustainable energy development and production instead. Currently, fossil fuel-fired plants account for nearly 80% of U.S. electricity production, burn non-renewable resources, and aren't doing the environment any favors. Still, even if the need for coal and petroleum is eliminated completely, we should continue to harvest and store these natural resources for a rainy day (if anything, our national reserves should be expanding). Also, as we phase out many of these plants, we should investigate ways to repurpose and/or recycle the existing infrastructure. And, of course, we need to be careful to replace the jobs lost when scaling back these energy sectors.

Make Fossil Fuel Use Unattractive. In direct contrast to McCain's ill-advised suggestion that we suspend the gas tax and Obama's equally short-sighted and potentially more damaging plans to provide relief at the pump, we phase in a revenue-neutral carbon tax. The plan outlined by the Carbon Tax Center is brilliant.

Yes, this is one of those sure-to-be-politically-unpopular solutions I spoke of earlier. But hear me out: taxation always acts as a disincentive. Therefore, the Federal government can use taxes to indirectly influence citizens' behavior — most people will alter their lifestyle to avoid higher taxes. Since we're trying to decrease our national dependence on oil and fossil fuels, it makes sense to create or increase taxes on these items to discourage consumers from overusing them.

Also note that I'm suggesting a revenue-neutral carbon tax. That means the government wouldn't be allowed to take any more money from the American people than it already does by heaping a carbon tax on top of everything else. Rather, they'd have to scale back other taxes to offset the tax on carbon (this is called tax-shifting) or implement some sort of rebate/dividend program. Personally, I'm a huge fan of scaling back the Federal income tax or significantly shifting the tax brackets. This would lessen existing disincentives for earning more and let Americans keep more of their paychecks, a desirable scenario with the possible pleasant side-effect of stimulating the economy.

Lastly, bear in mind that this tax would be phased in. That is, it would start off on the lower end of the scale, and then increase some percentage annually to give individuals and businesses the opportunity to adjust. Commitment to keep raising the tax is important to ensure that long-term, energy-critical decisions are made with the increasing cost of a large carbon footprint in mind. With the appropriate disincentives, it shouldn't be long before Americans change their personal habits and adopt emerging carbon-neutral innovations.

Either way, the oil-guzzling lifestyles we Americans have grown so accustomed to needs to change. The sooner we start, the easier it'll be in the long run. In the end, it's all about foresight.

Additional Reading:
Part 1 — Making Sense
Part 3 — Creating a Sustainable Future

Directional Dyslexia and Google Maps

2008-08-13T22:24:00.002+02:00

Our dear friends, Josh and Abbie Cobb, flew in from Los Angeles to spend several days with us this past weekend. On Saturday we'd planned to drive to Trenton, NJ and take the train into Penn Station. Instead, I drove in the wrong direction and ended up in Allentown, PA before I realized anything was amiss. Naturally, we gave up on Trenton and drove to Hoboken, NJ and took the Path into the city instead. Then, on the way home, I mixed up 276 and 295 and took a short detour through south Jersey on my way back to West Chester. Not the most direct route in the world, but I felt some consolation at the opportunity to buy relatively inexpensive gas — it helped compensate for all the extra driving I did. Anyway, these directional errors were entirely my fault (honestly, I tend to be directionally dyslexic — I even confuse my right and left hands). In my defense, however, I did copy my directions from Google Maps, and Google Maps, as we know, can be a little...

Tell you what — why don't you just read this. Props to Heather for sending it to me. Props to David for introducing Heather to xkcd webcomics in the first place. Enjoy.

Facing the Energy Crisis: Making Sense (Part 1 of 3)

2008-08-07T01:00:00.005+02:00

I'm growing tired of the pandering political responses to our economic and environmental energy crisis — vague promises, illogical challenges, and imbecilic proposals that cater to popular (uninformed/misinformed) opinion, big corporations, and big-shot environmentalists. In what's shaping up to be a fairly tight presidential race between Senator Change and Senator Straight-talk, I was hoping for more imaginative (or at least sensible) policy ideas. In the absence of such, I've drafted a rough plan, offered in three parts.

Part 1 — Making Sense
Set Broad, Meaningful, and Inspiring Goals. We'll never hit the target if there isn't one. And it won't matter if we hit it if it isn't any good. Let's try something like: "Achieve complete energy independence & sustainability within the next 20 years." Crazy? Maybe. I'd call it visionary. Let's not be underachievers, here. In pursuing such goals, it's important to keep other factors in mind — funding, energy costs (for production and consumption), the national economy, local economies, trade, foreign policy, global responsibility and world leadership, etc. But it's time to move away from "reduce greenhouse gases to 80% of 1990 levels by 2050" jargon. Those type of goals are painfully uninspired and completely meaningless to ... just about everybody. Kyoto Protocol, anybody?

Start Defining Our Terms. Efficient, sustainable, carbon-neutral, zero-emissions, environmentally friendly, renewable, eco-centric, green — everyone is making claims these days, and almost none of these claims are regulated. Fuel efficiency and energy efficiency aren't necessarily the same thing. Just because something gets better gas mileage doesn't make it better for the environment. And just because it's better for the environment doesn't mean it's better for the country, the economy, or the world. Are we talking about relief at the pump or relief for the planet? Let's not confuse the issues.

Be Honest. Unless it really is significantly better for the environment, don't call it "green" if that's not its color. Admit to some inconvenient truths, like the fact that shaping wise environmental policy for our future will require compromise and sacrifice. The economic situation may get worse before it gets better. Admit that Cap & Trade is a bad idea and "carbon offsets" are little more than useless gestures. Admit that manufacturing fuel-efficient hybrid and electric cars isn't always as environmentally-friendly as people assume. Just be honest. People are confused enough as it is.

Additional Reading:
Part 2 — Treating Fossil Fuels with Foresight
Part 3 — Creating a Sustainable Future

Family, Fish & Firearms — A Weekend in Tennessee

2008-08-01T16:00:00.002+02:00

Last Thursday night, Heather and I flew out to visit her granddaddy and extended family in White House, TN for a long weekend. After shooting turtles and catching a huge catfish in her granddaddy's little pond, Heather tells me I'm officially part of the family. Finally. (I thought marrying her had sealed the deal.)

Heather's cousins were our gracious hosts for the weekend and, to everyone's delight, they had a glorious pool. So we swam, ate biscuits and gravy and all manner of Southern goodness, listened to Granddaddy tell stories, spent hours out by the pond, shot .22s, fished, and drank Coke from glass bottles. (Jamin picked up some PBR to complete the Tennessee experience but I couldn't stand more than a sip of the stuff.) We also played Guitar Hero III for Wii. Well, David, Jamin, and Heather's cousins' daughter, Sarah, played ... I pretty much just got booed off the stage for trying. Meh. Also, my cousin, Kylen, drove in from Nashville to eat dinner with us one night. Totally random, but good times all around. If you'd like to see some pictures from the weekend, check out my slideshow on Picasa.

The PECO Problem: Lessons Learned

2008-07-29T20:50:00.008+02:00

My wife is awesome. And you don't want to mess with her — she's a bombshell with a .22 and a sassy attitude (pictured at left). And she's mine, and I love her, and her brothers and I are packing, too (pictured below).
My point is, this girl gets what she wants...especially from customer service. After spending countless hours on the phone relentlessly pleading our case with everyone and their mother's supervisor, the PECO problem is fully resolved. Thank God! What we learned:

Save your paperwork. Fortunately, I'd saved a handful of the mailings I'd been receiving from PECO since last October "just in case" I needed them. One of them even had my notes on it from when I'd talked to them the first time. Faxing them these documents finally proved we were telling the truth. The case was in the bag after that.
Don't give up until you talk to the boss. If Heather hadn't insisted on taking names and talking to everyone's supervisor, we'd never have spoken with the person capable of helping us. Pressing the issue and holding people accountable to their word finally paid off.
Trust God to provide. Speaking of talking to the boss...we realized (about the time I first wrote about our problem with PECO) that we were angry. We felt we'd been abused for doing the right thing and, instead of trusting God, we were frantically trying to handle it ourselves. Then we remembered that we've been praying for God to help us fundraise $37,000 to go to Slovakia...and we suddenly felt humbled (and pretty hypocritical) when we realized we weren't even trusting Him to provide $800 to cover our electric bill. God is bigger than our problems. Always.

FreeRice: Ending World Hunger & Poor Vocabularies

2008-07-24T21:21:00.000+02:00

If you've ever wished there was something you could do to help end world hunger (or if you've ever wanted to learn the definition of words like "neologism"), you absolutely must visit FreeRice.com on a regular basis.

FreeRice is a website with two goals:

Providing free English vocabulary to everyone
Providing free rice to hungry people

In partnership with the UN World Food Program and Poverty.com, FreeRice donates 20 grains of rice every time you correctly guess the definition of a vocabulary word. Granted, 20 grains of rice isn't much, but thousands of other people are playing, too. Since October 2007, users have helped FreeRice donate more than 39 billion grains of rice to feed more than a million people.

If you check out their FAQs, you'll read that the United Nations estimates that the cost to end world hunger completely is about $195 billion a year. 22 countries have joined together to raise this money by each contributing 0.7% of national GDP. While some countries have already met this goal, others are being a little slow. Sadly, the U.S. is one of the slow ones. FreeRice suggests you support your country's participation by sending your government a letter — can't hurt, right?

So, do the smart thing and bookmark FreeRice and play whenever you've got a spare minute. Everyone knows you fritter away hours on the internet anyway — you may as well feed starving people and make yourself smarter while you're at it. Besides, if you don't brush up on your vocabulary, you're never going to win an honest game of Facebook Scrabble. I'm at vocab level 50 on FreeRice. Let's see what you've got.

Yes, that's a challenge. Bring it.

My Niece is Adorable: A Slideshow

2008-07-24T16:32:00.015+02:00

Last Saturday, Heather and I met Angie, Jamin, and Lily in Philadelphia for breakfast...then Jamin, Heather, and I took Lily to the Philadelphia Zoo! It was a sweltering hot day. Lily, who alternated between wanting me to carry her (so cute) and running about like a little maniac, clearly wore herself out — she became nearly catatonic from exhaustion when placed back in her stroller at the end of our visit. Ah, the glorious days of summer! Here's a quick slide show from the day's activities:

Video: The Media is in LOVE with Barack Obama

2008-07-22T22:52:00.002+02:00

These mashup videos from the McCain campaign aren't that great, but they do call warranted attention to the media's unabashed bias toward Barack Obama. It's a strange mix of funny and sickening (one fellow compares the media's love for Obama with the love of a 9th grade boy. WHAT?). Obama's drooling fan club is really starting to turn me off to the candidate, which is a shame. That said, I haven't heard enough intelligent substance from either presidential candidate to make an honest, well-informed decision about who I'll cast my vote for in November. You haven't either. We'd all do well to keep an open mind.

PECO is Charging Me for Their Error

2008-07-22T21:27:00.005+02:00

Sometimes, it doesn't pay to do the right thing. Allow me to illustrate:

Shortly after I moved in to my apartment in October, 2007, I received a letter from PECO saying that a recent meter reading showed power usage at my address. They instructed me to fill out and return an application for service — otherwise, they'd shut off my power. So I sent in the application.

In November, instead of the expected bill, I receive another copy of the exact same letter. Yet my power was still on. Confused, I filled out the application a second time and mailed it in. So they sent me another application in December. Yet I still had power. Mystified, I gave PECO a call and explained what had been happening. The representative apologized for my trouble and told me my account began as of that day — I wouldn't be charged for the previous two and a half months of service. Cool.

January comes, and with it...another please-apply-for-service-or-we'll-shut-off-your-power letter. Oh for crying out loud. I filled out the application a third time and mailed it in. Like clockwork, they mailed me another letter brimming with empty threats in February. And another in March, April, May, June...

We still had power and we still hadn't seen a bill. Whatever PECO was doing with all my ignored applications was beyond me. It became apparent that we could consume free electricity indefinitely without PECO ever knowing.

But we decided to call PECO again. We figured that if we called one more time and they still refused to charge us for electricity they'd missed their chance — we were getting tired of begging the giant energy company to take our money. Heather talked with a representative who told her our account began as of that day — we wouldn't be charged for the previous eight months of service. Their bad, their loss. Sweet!

Then we get a bill for $800. And every PECO-employed cretin we've spoken to since then has heard us explain the situation, admitted to making countless errors (while making a few more), told us they understood, and concluded with an uncompromising "pay up".

Huh? PECO wouldn't know we were alive if we hadn't pursued them. In fact, the only reason they're charging us for usage since last October is because we told them when we moved in. Add to that the fact that they conceded the company's error and promised not to charge for the previous eight months' service, and charging us becomes downright reprehensible.

We've told them they can expect to hear from our lawyer. They'd do well to listen.

Dream Like a Canadian

2008-07-18T16:01:00.005+02:00

Canadians have been the brunt of many an American joke, many of which (I confess) I've found rather funny. Still, Canada is looking better every day.* They've got that universal health care thing going on (which, for the record, I don't support adopting in the U.S.), they've had a balanced national budget for something like 11 straight years (something I do support adopting in the U.S.), their literacy rate is close to 99%, and, believe it or not, their dollar is actually worth slightly more than ours now. Surely, the end of all things is near.

Anyway, I'm writing about Canada because I just discovered DreamBank, an upstart company that aims to help people fund their dreams by posting them online and inviting friends and family to contribute toward their realization. So, instead of buying people you love stuff they don't want or need, you can donate money to help them fulfil a dream. Isn't that a neat alternative to traditional gift-giving? Plus, it's eco-friendly and helps support charities.

Still, it's strictly Canadian. So, until DreamBank comes to the U.S., you can help me fulfil my dreams of paying off all our student loan debt and traveling the world by simply sending cash or personal checks to my home mailing address. I also accept PayPal. Thanks for your support!

*I really don't know much about Canada and can't substantiate any of my claims about that country. Except for the strength of their dollar vs. the U.S. dollar — I looked that up.

EDIT: Check out the comments on this post for some enlightening info from some of DreamBank's own people. Turns out it's NOT strictly Canadian. Go ahead and start dreaming, America! (Please continue sending me money.)

"We Love You for Crashing the Site"

2008-07-15T18:16:00.003+02:00

Today, creative genius Joss Whedon unveiled Act I of his new, straight to computer, three-part musical superhero comedy Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Staring How I Met Your Mother's Neil Patrick Harris and Firefly's Nathan Fillion, this bit of unconventional entertainment was conceived during the WGA Writer's Strike. Here's the trailer:

Naturally, I'm super stoked to see it. However...

...I can't. The first installment, which began streaming free today, has already garnered so much attention that the Dr. Horrible site crashed — a fairly strong indication that this little enterprise is going to be rather popular. Be patient, my friends. As Joss and friends posted today, "Our site should be up and running again in a few hours. Your support is warming our hearts and kicking our asses. So thank you thank you."

The clips (Act II becomes available on Thursday, July 17 and Act III becomes available on Saturday, July 19) will be streaming online for free through Sunday, July 20, 2008. After that, you'll be able to purchase them on iTunes ... or just wait for the DVD release.

Sixth Months Ago

2008-07-05T16:00:00.003+02:00

Sixth months ago I was waking up after a fitful night's sleep in a hotel room in Philadelphia with one thought screaming through my mind: It's my wedding day!

It's hard to believe it's already been six months since Heather and I got married. At the same time, it's hard to believe it's only been six months since Heather and I got married — our life together already feels so established, so natural. I love it — and I love her — more and more with every passing day.

By the way, I posted a bunch of wedding photos online a couple weeks ago — you can find the links to the right under "Photo Albums". (If you're reading this on Facebook, please see my blog.)

Rule #2: You're Not Allowed to Have Any Fun

2008-07-03T21:02:00.001+02:00

For those of you who've never seen the satirical Vintage21 Jesus Videos, you're in for a treat. Stop whatever you're doing and watch all four. Laugh merrily.

Then go ye back and repeat once more.

A Short Time From Now, Right Here in Our Galaxy...

2008-07-01T21:31:00.002+02:00

There's a good chance I'm the last person in the world to hear about it (which kind of hurts my feelings), but a new Star Wars movie is being released this summer! Star Wars: The Clone Wars hits theaters August 15, 2008. My wife will be so excited — happy birthday, Heather! It's going to be the best birthday ever! (For the record, it's no secret that she "loves" Star Wars only because she loves me, so we'll probably be doing other things on opening day.)

About the film:

It's completely CGI animation. And looks like a cartoon.
It's set during the Clone Wars between Episodes II and III, two very dark points in Star Wars franchise history.
It was made for TV until, oh, February-ish of this year when George Lucas decided to release it in theaters.

Despite these things (and my better judgment), I want to see it rather badly. So sometime this summer I'll likely lay my fanboy heart out there again for Lucas to trample on. To borrow the oft-quoted words of Yeats, "I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." Of course, after the disappointing prequel trilogy, my dreams wear considerable armour and have far more cynical expectations, so they'll probably be alright.

That said, I'm still excited. Click here to view the theatrical trailers.

Whatever Happened to Customer Service?

2008-06-30T20:34:00.000+02:00

Remember the good old days when you'd hitch up your wagon for the long ride to town to pick up supplies and exotic imports like brown sugar and fine ribbon (for the ladies) and you knew that, at the end of your journey, you'd walk through the door of the general store and good old Pete, eyes smiling, would greet you by name, grasp your hand, and insist you to join his family for dinner?

Me neither. But I hear that's how things used to be in some places.

Either way, you can't get good customer service these days. It doesn't matter if you're dealing with giant companies like United Airlines and Comcast or with some upstart online retailer, they all offer the same deplorable level of customer care. I don't understand it. Surely these operations realize that quality customer service is key to success.

A couple months ago, my wife and I were in the market for a new prosumer digital camera. Once we settled on a model, I set about to make sure we found the best possible price. The first two online merchants I tried ordering from didn't have the camera in stock — orders wouldn't ship for over a month. No good. I moved down to the third merchant on my list. Everything looked legit, so I placed my order.

Almost immediately, I get an e-mail asking me to confirm my order by phone within 24 hours. I gave them a few minutes, then made the call. After waiting on hold for eight minutes someone answers.

"What," a surly voice demands. I'm taken slightly off guard.
"Hi, yes. I'm calling to confirm an order I just placed online."
"Order number."

Against my better judgment, I tell him my order number. I'm told to "hold on", then wait patiently while my call is disconnected. Had to be a mistake. I call back and wait on hold for seven minutes before someone picks up.

"Hello?" It's the same surly guy. He sounds like a delinquent teen.
"Hi, sorry, I just called to confirm an order I placed online but got discon—"
"What's your order number?"
"—nected so I wanted to make— sorry? Uh... give me second." I tell him my number again and am immediately placed back on hold for an additional eleven minutes. For my time, I'm treated to hissing static, subtly remixed with a cheap MIDI file version of Brahms' Lullaby played through what sounds like the busted speakers of an early prototype radio with a frayed power cord. My blood pressure is starting to go up at this point. Someone picks up.

"What do you want?" the surly kid demands.
Seriously?! "Hi, I called twenty minutes ago to confirm my order and—"
"What's your order number?" Oh for the love. I give it to him and there's a pause as he checks something. "You didn't confirm your order," he accuses.
"I know, that's why I called — twice — but I've been on hold for twenty minutes."
"Why are you calling?"
This isn't happening. "To confirm my order. You sent me an e-mail."
"Well, it's confirmed. Enjoy your order. Bye."
"No—wait! Could you please confirm that the item I ordered is in stock and—"
"Goodbye. Enjoy your order."
"Sir, before you hang up, could you please confirm that the item—"
"No! I don't confirm anything. They'll send you an e-mail."

He hangs up. I receive no e-mail. But I do send one to them, explaining how I'd been treated and asking them to kindly confirm that the item I'd ordered was in stock and would ship within two business days as advertised. I'm starting to suspect something's wrong.

Three hours later I get a call. "Hello?" I answer.
"Do you wanna upgrade your order?" No greeting. No introduction. Sounded like the same delinquent teen character. "Excuse me? Who is this?"
He raises his voice: "I said, do you wanna upgrade?"
My patience is thinning. "And I asked who's calling. Are you calling from Techon Digital?"
"Yeah. Do you wanna upgrade."
No, thank you, I explained, telling him that the standard package that came with the camera was all I needed. I would, however, like to know if my camera was in stock—

"It doesn't come with a battery."
Red flags start going up. "Yes, it does. Your website says it comes with a battery."
"Well, it doesn't. Battery is extra. $150. Do you want to upgrade?" He's growing impatient.
"Hold on a minute. The camera I ordered from you said it came with—"
"Do you want to upgrade or not?" He's yelling now.
"No. $150 is outrageous for a battery. Listen, just tell me what comes with the camera."
"Nothing."
"So it doesn't come with a battery, or charger, or—"
"No. You have to upgrade."
"OK, I'm confused. Just let me read you the item description from your website. 'Canon PowerShot G—'"
"Just tell me if you wanna up—"
My patience is exhausted. "Just listen for a second, please! You're website says—"

"Look, how old are you?"
My mind explodes. "Excuse me?"
"How old are you?" the surly kid demands again.
"I'm 24."
"24!" He's clearly shocked. "Well I'm 19, you know what I'm saying?"
"No, I don't." I honestly didn't—was he offering his age as an excuse for his behavior?
"Why you bein' so rude?" he asks.
My mind explodes again. Did he just ask me why I'm being rude? "I—I'm not—Look, I'm just trying to get you to answer a couple basic questions. What does my camera come with and will it arri—"
"Forget it. Your order's canceled. Stupid camera's out of stock anyway."

Good riddance. I dodged that bullet. I learned the next day that the delinquent kid and the "company" he worked for were part of an internet scam ring. With customer service like that, however, I doubt they were very successful. Then again, look at Comcast.

A Guided Tour of Peru

2008-06-09T15:45:00.001+02:00

Back in March, I accompanied my wife Heather on a travel writing & photography trip to Peru as part of her capstone project at Rutgers University. It was quite an experience, eye-opening in many ways. I wrote about the trip briefly in my post, "Don't Drink My Pisco".

Anyway, I finally put together a photo album of pictures from our trip. You can find the link to the right, under "Photo Albums". Enjoy!

The Search for a Signal

2008-06-03T18:10:00.000+02:00

We still haven't burned the bridge with Comcast, but here's how we'll survive if we do:

Google TiSP. Launched April 1, 2008, this free in-home wireless broadband service is still in beta, but looks promising. It uses innovative technology and nanobots to connect your (free) commode-based TiSP wireless router to one of thousands of TiSP Access Nodes via fiber-optic cable strung through your local municipal sewage lines.

FYI, it's also an elaborate April Fool's joke. Oh to have billions of dollars and a twisted sense of humor...

Meanwhile, in the real world, there are several ways to track down free WiFi without resorting to stealing your neighbors'. If you're interested, check out: wififreespot.com, JiWire.com, and (my favorite) openwifispots.com.

Anyway, even if the free wireless doesn't work out, we'll still have our DVD player and $1 movie rentals from Redbox DVD vending machines or their cousins/competitors, operated by DVDPlay. (By the way, you can throw out your Blockbuster membership card -- it's becoming increasingly irrelevant in the modern world.)

In the absence of all technology, there are still books, magazines, and endless entertainment opportunities provided by the summertime beauty of the great outdoors.

Of course, if all else fails, we'll have each other. And we do enjoy a good conversation.

We're Easily (Inexpensively) Entertained

2008-06-02T17:23:00.005+02:00

My wife and I don't have TV. No cable, satellite, antennae, rabbit ears -- nothing. And we don't miss it.

Our old school, squarish set (well into its teenage years) is simply hooked up to a DVD player. Periodically, we also connect it to the Nintendo 64 we borrowed from my brother. (Shhh! We think he's forgotten about it.)

Naturally, not having TV saves us considerable monthly expense. It also prevents us from developing mindless addictions to television shows of dubious quality and value. (On a related note, if you still burn away your evening hours watching the news on TV when you could take fifteen seconds to find better, more-relevant information on any one of billions of Internet news sites, I need you to explain something to me: why?)

That said, I must confess we're hooked on several shows, namely "The Office," "How I Met Your Mother," and the ever-so-awesome-and-incredibly-mind-bending "Lost". These have ended for the season, of course, but while they were on air, Heather and I were online...at NBC.com, CBS.com, and ABC.com (not to mention Hulu.com). That's right folks -- in case you haven't heard, most of your favorite shows are available for free on the internet, to watch whenever you please. It's glorious (even if it means we're watching our shows on a 12" laptop screen).

And that is the story of Heather and Mike without TV.

Now we face a new challenge: the evil Comcast Corp. is poised to increase the cost of our Internet service from $20 to something approaching $60, which is perverse and unacceptable. So, by the end of the week, we'll have either successfully negotiated a sensible rate, or forgone home Internet access as well. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

What Every Man Should Know

2008-05-30T21:20:00.000+02:00

I'm a business professional. I work in the corporate world with grown men every day. And every day I see at least one grown man do something a grown man should never do. And I won't stand for it any longer.

Guys, if you don't know how to properly conduct yourself in a public restroom, you really should learn. Granted, there aren't any written rules, so that can make things tricky. But there simply isn't a valid excuse for violating proper urinal etiquette. Here's a test to sharpen your masculine intuition:

Urinal Selection

You enter a hypothetical men's room (an "x" above a number indicates that urinal is in use). Based on the unspoken code of urinal etiquette, choose the correct urinal at which to stand in each situation.

Situation 1:
|_|x|_|x|_|_|
|1|2|3|4|5|6|

Correct choice: 6 (If you can leave a space between you and the next guy, do it.)

Situation 2:
|x|_|_|_|_|_|
|1|2|3|4|5|6|

Correct choice: 6 (More distance is better. 5, 4, or 3 are technically acceptable, but they all put you at greater risk of being next to someone arriving later.)

Situation 3:
|_|_|_|_|_|_|
|1|2|3|4|5|6|

Correct choice: 1 or 6 (Walls are your friends. Both of these choices imply "Don't stand next to me". They also ensure you'll have space on at least one side. This becomes increasingly important in smaller urinal configurations. Given three open urinals, never stand in the middle -- you're begging for company.)

Situation 4:
|_|x|_|x|_|x|
|1|2|3|4|5|6|

Correct choice: 1 (Never stand between two guys if you can help it. It's not an ideal situation, but at least you've got the wall.)

Situation 5:
|_|x|_|_|x|x|
|1|2|3|4|5|6|

Correct choice: 4 (Choosing 1 or 3 would "couple" or "pair" you with the guy in 2. That's just awkward. In this situation, there's strength in numbers.)

Situation 6:
|x|x|_|_|x|x|
|1|2|3|4|5|6|

Correct choice: None (If you can afford to wait, it'd be better to go to the mirror or sink and act busy until the urinals open up a bit more. If you can't, opt for a stall. If you must use a urinal, take your pick.)

Other Unspoken Rules

No touching. Even accidental contact is unacceptable.
No talking, unless it's a good friend (even then, keep it strictly business).
No singing or whistling. Seriously.
No sighing. It's embarrassing.
No peeking. Look down or at the wall. (Exception: you may cast a small, quick, suspicious glance to acknowledge a newcomer in a "I see you there/don't try anything funny" kind of way. Never glance at someone directly beside you.)
No eye shutting. Again, embarrassing. And vulnerable.
No cell phones. I can't believe I have to say this.
No preemptive unzipping. Keep your pants on and your fly up all the way to and from the urinal.
No hands-free operation. If you're one of those guys who keeps their hands on their hips or, worse, puts both hands up against the wall, know this -- everyone else thinks you're gross.
No loitering. Don't just stand there. If you need to take your time, use a stall.
No dawdling. When you're done, wrap it up.
No splashing. No one wants to hear that.
No mess. You should have learned to aim before you turned three.

Learn these rules. For more information, a search for "Urinal Etiquette" on YouTube will yield several interesting results as well, including a music video (I cannot vouch for the content or quality of these videos, so tread carefully). I also discovered a Urinal Etiquette Game that, alas, I cannot wholeheartedly endorse (at one point, it erroneously advises you not to wash your hands, which is gross. Always wash you hands).

Traveling Light

2008-05-30T16:40:00.002+02:00

I'm not a huge fan of extra "stuff". If I won't use it (which means I definitely don't need it), I don't want it. Nor do I want to carry it with me on trips.

Introducing OneBag.com. Apparently, this site has been around for fourteen years, so I can't be too proud of my discovery (in fact, I'm probably one of the last people in the world to find it). Nevertheless, with practical advice on what to pack, what to pack it in, and how to pack it, it seems it's pretty much the authority on traveling light. Site author Doug Dyment argues you can pack everything you need for any trip in one carry-on sized bag. With airlines starting to change for checked luggage, trimming off the extra baggage is becoming an increasingly valuable skill.

Anyway, finding a site so obviously dedicated to efficiency and organization got my neat-freak self all excited. Enjoy!

Don't Drink My Pisco

2008-05-29T17:20:00.004+02:00

I love to travel. When I graduated from college, I'd already been to Canada, Japan, and nearly every state in the continental U.S. Not bad for a homeschooled suburban kid from Pennsylvania. Still, that's only a fraction of the world, and I was eager to see more.

Naturally, I jumped at the invitation to accompany Heather on a travel writing and photography trip to Peru, South America this past March. The trip was part of her senior capstone at Rutgers University. It was also a bit of a second honeymoon for us.

From the complex simplicity of the ancient Inca's unshakable stone architecture to the ubiquitous iconography of the Spanish Catholics who slew them, we found ourselves surrounded by pieces of history, civilization, and culture we'd never experienced before. Travel has a curious way of opening one's eyes to the world, of putting things in perspective. It's often surprisingly surprising to discover a normal, everyday existence far different from your own.

We took just under a thousand pictures. We also bartered with the locals for a few small, carefully selected souvenirs and gifts. Mostly, we carried home the memories:

Cuzco, stray dogs, Spanish cathedrals, the Lord of the Earthquake, Ollantayambo, coca leaves, markets, bartering, Cusquena, sunburn, llamas, alpacas, guinea pigs, Aguas Calientes, Passion Week, hot springs, Machu Picchu, Waynapicchu, Lima, graffiti, ceviche, buffet meals, new friends, stimulating conversations...

...and pisco. Pisco is the national hard liqueur of Peru and the chief ingredient in their famous pisco sour (a potent drink indeed at 3,400 meters above sea level). Pisco, it turns out, is also a great name for a hamster. We bought this little guy the week we returned:
Best. Idea. Ever.

Growing Up or Something Like It

2008-05-28T19:01:00.013+02:00

"A person's a person, no matter how small"... or young, old, educated...

We people grow and gain knowledge, skills, experience, status, and responsibility all through our lives, but when it comes down to it, we're still the same people. It's kind of weird to think about.

For example, my wife is a recent graduate, but she was once two years old; my niece just turned two, but she'll someday be a graduate and wife. Crazy.

I'm 24 and have a salaried corporate job, but I can still do an embarrassingly accurate imitation of Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars (in his actual language, Huttese) just like I was 10. Yes, people change...but they're still the same.

However you slice it, life is an amazing, peculiar mystery. It's certainly a mystery worth celebrating. So, in the spirit of celebration, two pictures from the weekend's festivities:

Full-priced Coffee & Full-time Jobs

2008-05-22T21:30:00.007+02:00

My wife and I recently celebrated the end of an era. On the same day that she finished her last college final at Rutgers University, I finished my last shift for part-time employer Starbucks. The two of us had a modest celebration at our apartment that weekend. However, we didn't completely break ties with those prestigious institutions right away -- she still had to wait two weeks until her graduation ceremony (which was Thursday night!) and I can still use my Starbucks partner numbers to get a discount, which I now feel obligated to do as often as possible before my card is disabled and that privilege is lost. Curse you, Starbucks, I'm spoiled forever!

Heather's family is all here this weekend, so we've been having fun. We had a much larger celebration yesterday -- a joint graduation party/birthday party for Heather and our niece, Lily, who just turned two and could quite possibly be the cutest little girl on the planet. (I'm sure there will be pictures forthcoming.)

Later today, Heather and I are going to NYC to see Spring Awakening on Broadway. We'll explore the city a bit (we haven't been to New York City since the end of last June when I proposed to her), grab some dinner, and I'll probably try to use my Starbucks discount one last time. After that, it'll be back to full-priced coffee and our full-time jobs. That's OK. The end of an era is always the beginning of another, and life, by God's grace, is undoubtedly good.

EDIT: I stand corrected. Turns out Heather and I have been to NYC since we got engaged -- we went with her family on Thanksgiving Day to see the Macy's Day Parade. (We put our heads together and decided we may have been there one other time, too, we're not sure -- we could have just had a dream or seen something on TV that makes us think we did. Whatever.)

A Common Lie

2008-02-01T15:25:00.004+01:00

"There's no such thing as a stupid question."

It's not true, but well-intentioned people say it all the time, usually to reassure people who are somewhat insecure about their intelligence. It's a nice gesture, really, especially with kids. But it'd be more honest to say, "If you don't understand something, please ask. I promise not to make fun of you" — that's really what people are worried about, anyway. It's like Mark Twain said, "It's better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Wise words. Most people get the concept. Other people violate it with fanfare. Like the clean-cut, intelligent-looking young man at Starbucks last night who ordered a hot chocolate. "Tall hot chocolate!" I call out as I place his drink on the bar, next to an iced tall black tea lemonade that the customer before him hadn't picked up yet. Looking at the two drinks, he hesitates and asks, "Which one's the hot chocolate?" I stood speechless for a moment, simultaneously amused and horrified by the idiot mind behind such a question. I forced myself to bite off the billions of snarky responses that flooded my mind. "See the fruity-looking drink with ice cubes in it? That's your hot chocolate" I wanted to say, honestly curious to see if he'd believe me. "That one," I said instead, pointing to the steaming cup. "Have a nice night." What else could I do? I couldn't let the poor kid walk off sipping some girl's iced black tea lemonade thinking it was surprisingly cold hot chocolate with a very unusual flavor. I mean, people say "ignorance is bliss" but, seriously, it's just sad.

Anatomy of a Breakdown

2008-01-31T20:43:00.001+01:00

You know how sometimes something gets in your head and drives you to distraction? It may not even be important. It's usually something stupid like a sound or mannerism no one else notices or a song melody you can't match any words to or the name of that actor who was with what's-her-face in that one movie you can't remember. Regardless, once this kind of something gets into your head you have a crisis on your hands.

Now, you may not understand or appreciate what I'm about to share and that's okay — this type of crisis is personal. But few things get under my skin faster than misused words, and I just got out of a five hour HR meeting about "Succession Planning".

(I'm sorry — just typing those words brought back a flood of troubling memories and I had to step away from my computer for a few minutes and breathe into a paper bag.)

Get a firm grip on yourself because you may be about to learn something: "succession" is not a fancy-schmancy synonym for "success". No no. No no no. No. "Success" planning, which is what we were really talking about, has everything to do with making arrangements to attain a favorable or desired outcome or some measure of favor. "Succession" planning would literally mean "sequence planning" and would probably involve making provisions for someone else to take over your duties should you decide to leave the company (planning for a "successor" if you will). And that is not what we were doing. No it was not.

What kills me is that, in this whole giant company of thousands of very smart people, this company-wide process and all these handouts and forms came into existence without anyone being like, "Hey, whoa — 'succession' planning? Don't you mean 'success'?" I mean, maybe HR could've run the whole thing past the writers and editors first (hellooo — that's my job here), you know, just to double check. But no. So now everyone has to participate in these mistitled meetings and fill out idiot mistitled forms. I just — I can't — okay, you know, I'm done.

Ha. If only it were that easy.

Misfits & Motorcycles

2008-01-30T16:42:00.004+01:00

I don't care how cool you think you are. You can amass experience and skills and graduate degrees and big-ticket toys all you want -- sooner or later you're going to find yourself someplace where you don't have a prayer of fitting in. I'm convinced of this.

A personal example. Last Saturday I slipped on black shoes from Aldo, dark denim jeans from Express, and a gray wool and cashmere topcoat from Banana Republic (cool outfit, right?) and went with my brother-in-law and his dad to look at motorcycles. Perhaps you see where this is going.

I know nothing about motorcycles. Nothing. Never even sat on one. I'm a little scared of the things if you must know the truth. So we walk into this tiny chop shop set up in some guy's dirty garage and the eight-year-old girl contentedly playing with tools behind the counter stops for a puzzled moment and gives me a once-over. She knows. Fleeing her accusing eyes, I step into the shop to stand amid all the burly men and bike parts while they talk of things beyond my understanding and judge me silently. I don't even try to contribute. Even the slobbering black lab smells my fear.

Our journey continues at the local Harley Davidson dealership where my apparel draws stares like a Terrell Owens' Cowboy jersey at an Eagles playoff game. My pulse quickens and I try to assume an air of confidence, but I'm definitely not wearing the right color scheme, a blue denim button-down, short leather jacket, boots, or a suitable hat, never mind the fact that I'm not talking loudly to any of my "buddies" and am clearly missing visible tattoos. Fortunately, some old-time players from the glory years of the Philadelphia Flyers are there signing autographs, so I'm simultaneously confronted by two different fanatical groups with whom I have nothing in common.

It's then I realize I don't care. I don't care if don't fit in at a Harley dealership. It doesn't bother me that I don't know how to build a motorcycle. It doesn't even bother me that I don't know how to ride one. Sure, there are skills I'd like to learn. There are things and experiences I'd like to pursue. But I'm not desperate to prove myself to everybody, as if that were even possible.

Of course, I say all this having amassed neither much experience, many skills, or any graduate degrees, and the biggest-ticket toy to my name is a well-worn and handsomely aged Toyota Corolla that's traveled the approximate equivalent of seventeen times around the world (impressive, I know), so you have my permission to take my words with a grain of salt.

Maybe you're a New York Times best-selling author, four-star general, Noble Prize-winner, and three-time Olympic gold medalist who once summited Everest on a solo climb without oxygen and now practices medicine in AIDS-ridden African countries for a global nonprofit organization between touring with your rock band, managing your gourmet restaurant chain, and selling your original artwork which, sadly, you haven't had much time for lately because you've been writing/directing/starring in several Oscar-nominated films. If so, that really is impressive. Still, how would you fare in a Harley shop?

Fighting Against a Solution

2008-01-22T15:56:00.005+01:00

This just in: Responding in a panic to a collapsing stock market, the Fed jumps the gun and announces an emergency interest rate cut early this morning of 0.75% -- the largest one-day cut in decades. MSN headline reads: "Stocks plunge despite an emergency rate cut by the central bank." I'm not surprised. As a rule, reactionary measures don't build confidence. They merely make you look unprepared, reinforcing and confirming suspicions that you're not in control -- that other, more powerful forces are forcing your hand. MSN could've written, "Stocks plunge because of emergency rate cut by the central bank" and hit closer to the truth.

This whole economic "crisis" fascinates me, really. The way I see it, it's a classic example of the power of words. Semantics, if you will.

Consider this: When was the last time you heard someone -- anyone -- in the media or government say something positive and hopeful about the immediate future of our economy? I could have amnesia, but I can't think of the last time I heard a positive spin on the situation. However, in the last fifteen minutes alone I've been told that "hard times" lie ahead, that "recession" is "inevitable", that the Fed can't stop the "bloodbath", that markets are in a "nosedive", that people are "worried" and "disappointed" and reacting out of "fear" as profits "plummet", "plunge", "slump", "slip", "drop", "fall", and otherwise come crashing down around us, all but destroying the middle class. It's enough to make me want to cash in my 401(k) over my lunch break and sock it away in a drawer. Every article and newscast on the topic proclaims through a megaphone: "These are desperate times, no one will escape, and no, not even God can save you."

Then, if you listen carefully, interjected midway through the latest gloom and doom analysis of our financial future, you'll hear Mr. Random Economist sharing a brief soundbite of conventional wisdom to help explain the situation: "If consumers lose faith, if they panic and pull back, then you can have recession."

Now, I'm not an economist, but I'm not an idiot, either. As the federal government, if the last thing you want is for people to lose faith, start to panic, and pull back from participating in our economy, what the heck are you doing crushing faith, causing panic, and encouraging people to pull back? Has anyone tried using reassuring words? Demonstrating a little faith? Offering a little hope?

I'm not advocating that the government or media sweep a real crisis under the proverbial rug. If this really is a crisis, and it sure looks like it is now, then fine, let's work to address it. But if the formula looks something like faith + confidence = a strong economy, stop fighting against a solution.

One Year, Two Weeks, and Forever After

2008-01-21T15:43:00.002+01:00

"Don't let me into this year with an empty heart," sings modern music legend Josh Ritter in one of many great songs from his outstanding 2007 album, The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter. I don't know whether his heart was full at midnight on January 1, but I hope someone let him into the year either way. Actually, I'm not authorized to speak for Josh concerning personal matters. (I like to think he greeted the new year in high spirits, full to bursting with hope and inspiration for the future. If that's not the case, well, chin up, Josh -- the year is young.) Anyway, that's neither here nor there. Three weeks into 2008, I can say with assurance my heart is full -- fuller than it's ever been.

My wife and I celebrated two milestones on Saturday: January 19 marked our second full week as husband and wife...and our first dating anniversary. Pretty cool, if you ask me. And, in hindsight, more than a little strange. In a good way.

You see, I never saw this past year coming. No, the passage of time is not a foreign concept to me, and no, I didn't expect the world to end midway through 2006 or my life to be suddenly and mysteriously snuffed out before the ball dropped on December 31. I saw 2007 coming. I just never expected or imagined it would hold so much: a new job, a new relationship, a promotion, an engagement, a new apartment...more blessings than I can number.

For all our planning, we humans are predictably bad at predicting the future. Had my present-day self gone to visit me thirteen months ago to tell me what lay ahead, I would've scoffed in my own face. The future is a mystery -- always full of surprises. Sometimes surprises really screw up your plans, like wrecking your car or something. Other times they're pleasant -- even, euphoric -- surprises, like falling head-over-heels in love with your best friend. This past year was loaded with surprises like that.

Right now, Heather and I live large in a small apartment on a humble gross income with grandiose hopes and dreams for our future: a trip to South America this spring, a year abroad, possibly pursuing flexible (and lucrative?) self-employment, world travel, city life, kids in five years or so, and making a lasting positive difference in this world...the list goes on and on. We're practically penniless but more than happy with our new life together, and we're excited about what lies ahead for us.

But we're not naive. We know we're not in control and we know we're not always going to have stars in our eyes when we look at each other. But "in sickness and in health, in times of want and in times of plenty, in joy and in sorrow, in failure and in triumph -- either way" we will be there for each other. By God's grace, I know we'll be alright, come what may. I hope you can say the same. But if that kind of love doesn't fill your heart, well, chin up, my friend -- the year is young.